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Hi Chris,
My parents never even mentioned sex when I was a child, so now I find talking about intimacy really difficult. That’s caused endless problems in my marriage, so how can I do better with my own children?
The Sex Talk
Chris says,Hi, The Sex Talk!
Talking to your children about sex is easier than you think. Start by just listening to them when they’re small, and always answering anything they ever ask. Use real names for body parts, and make talking about sex feel absolutely normal from their very first questions, with brief, honest, and age-appropriate answers. Not possible at that particular moment? Then say so, and fix a time later. Don’t try to shut them up or get angry.
And never give them a hard time, even if you’re worried by what you’re hearing. Otherwise, next time they’ll keep quiet.
Answer every question, and never knowingly tell them something untrue, even with the best of intentions. You don’t have to give them every last little detail, but there’s no point in hiding the realities of life from your children.
As they reach adolescence, their friends may lead them astray, and their own rising interest could also get them into trouble. So do a lot of listening to ensure you hear the signs of a problem long before anything happens.
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Know their friends, especially older friends, and listen for talk of romance, because teens are more likely to have sex with older romantic partners.
As your children reach their teens, they’ll start keeping their thoughts to themselves. Respect their need for privacy, and instead listen for when they’re ready to talk.
Teens feel self-conscious about almost everything, so respond sympathetically, or they won’t try again. Don’t reveal your feelings; just help them sort out the problem and be pleased they came to you at all.
All the best,
Chris
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