How can I help my kids build stronger social skills?

Hi Chris,

I struggled socially as a teenager and young adult, and I’d like to help my children, who are still very young, avoid the same issues. How should I go about it?

Helping Kids Socially

Hi Helping Kids Socially,

Help them overcome shyness when they’re small by giving them plenty of opportunities to play with other kids. Show them the social skills they’ll need by being helpful and sharing things, and encouraging them to say ‘hello’, ‘goodbye’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

Help them develop self-awareness, empathy, and emotional intelligence by discussing their feelings with them and how their behaviour affects other people: “Did you enjoy that story?” “How do you think John felt when you took his toy?”

Between the ages of two and seven, children should gradually become independent, competent and confident. Help them develop those abilities by showing them that’s what you expect. And, if necessary, by leaning on them pretty hard.

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Otherwise, they’ll always take the easy option, like leaving their stuff around. Provide clear, consistent rules and discipline because children do better when they know what’s expected and what happens when rules are broken.

Encourage them to enjoy acquiring new skills, but also explain that it takes lots of practice to master them. And that lots of hard work lies behind every success.

Your children’s social world will become much larger once they start school. They’ll need to get on well with classmates and teachers, work in groups, and know how to ask for help when they need it.

So, model these skills for them. Encourage them to think about other people’s feelings and show them what good relationships look like.

Making friends also becomes important at school. Learning that skill really well will make a big difference to their success at school and as adults.

So, help your children learn how to talk to other kids, to be approachable and warm. Help them cope with the inevitable arguments and with the occasional hurtful friend. And as their social skills improve, you’ll see their lives really start to blossom.

All the best,

Chris