Gentle parenting on the rise as modern families rethink discipline

Many young parents today are reflecting deeply on their own childhoods as they raise their children.

Parenting is no longer just about preparing for the future, but also about revisiting the past.

As they remember how love, rules, and authority were handled in their homes, many are choosing to parent differently, determined to break cycles of fear and harsh discipline they once experienced.

For Lenah Mwende, home was defined by strict rules and constant fear. While she admits that her upbringing shaped her into who she is today, it also left lasting emotional scars.

“My parents were very strict. Looking back, I wouldn’t want my child to go through what I did. My father’s strictness shaped us, but we lived in fear,” she says.

Now a mother herself, Lenah is intentional about creating a different environment for her child. “I want my child to grow up without fear and to freely express themselves. I love how close I am with my child,” she says.

As the firstborn, Lenah carried heavy expectations.

“Our parents were strict because they wanted us to be good examples. I was expected to lead by example,” she recalls. Discipline was harsh. “I would be beaten, denied food, or locked in my room until I ‘learned my lesson’.”

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Those memories still linger. “I remember sleeping on the farm at night, scared and unsure if I was safe,” she says. Today, her approach is the opposite.

“Being strict doesn’t guarantee good outcomes. I would never treat my child the way I was treated.”

Justin Mwangi also grew up associating discipline with fear.

“To me, discipline meant beatings or being yelled at when you made a mistake. I was constantly afraid of disappointing my parents,” he says.

Fatherhood shifted his perspective.

“Now, I listen to my child more and always encourage him. I want him to feel supported, not scared.”

Others reflect on opportunities lost to excessive control. Ian Mugo remembers being discouraged from pursuing his talents. “In primary school, my mum wouldn’t allow me to attend music festivals or join activities, even though I was talented,” he says.

“I never spoke up then, but now that I’m a parent, I wouldn’t do that to my child. I want my kids to feel free to express themselves and know their voices matter.”

For Pascal Valary, discipline at home was firm and structured. “My parents were strict about rules, respect, and schoolwork. Mistakes were corrected immediately through serious warnings, extra chores, or loss of privileges,” she says.

While she acknowledges that this taught her responsibility, fear was still present. “I was terrified of making even small mistakes, especially when adults raised their voices.”

That fear shaped her parenting philosophy. “I believe in rules, but also in understanding. Mistakes should be corrected through conversation, not fear. Children should feel safe admitting when they’re wrong instead of hiding it.”

Psychologist Augustine Mwambia says parenting styles are often shaped by personal childhood experiences.

“Many parents unconsciously repeat what they went through,” he explains.

He warns that unresolved childhood trauma can affect self-esteem, relationships, and emotional well-being later in life.

“Some people become bitter, struggle with intimacy, fall into depression, substance abuse, or violence,” he says, adding that harsh parenting and neglect contribute to children ending up on the streets.

Mwambia emphasises the importance of open communication.

“Parents should be approachable, ensure children’s basic needs are met, guide rather than intimidate, and correct mistakes calmly,” he advises. “Good behaviour should be praised, and parents should seek help if they are still dealing with unresolved childhood pain.”

Ultimately, many modern parents are choosing conversation over shouting, understanding over fear, and emotional safety over intimidation, hoping to raise children who feel secure, heard, and loved.