Does the festive season mean breaking up?

It’s that time of the year again, when Nairobi traffic grinds to a festive halt, car boots are stuffed with plastic chairs, and half of the city flees to their rural homes to celebrate Christmas. For most, December brings joy, laughter, and those oddly satisfying servings of nyama choma, Chapatis and pilau. But for others, it marks the end of the road—quite literally—as couples call time on their unions faster than you can say “Merry Christmas.”

Yes, What should be a season of togetherness and Instagram-perfect love declarations has become a season of unmatcT hed emotional exits. Once upon a time, lovebirds were cooing over candlelit dinners at Kenya’s finest restaurants, going for a vacation overseas; now they are plotting their next exit strategies as the ugali grows colder by the day.

2023, like the years before, has seen its fair share of high-profile Kenyan couples throwing in the towel before the clock strikes midnight on December 31. The ones we admired for their ‘relationship goals’—from joint entrepreneurial ventures to matching soft life holidays in Diani—are now unceremoniously un-coupled.

Take that power duo who we admired for “Making business and love work.” Fast forward to December, and their digital timelines are cleaner than a well-polished maasai rungu. The product still exists, but the love? Vanished, along with the captions.

Then there is the King Rabbit and his wife of 13 years! What?

And other couples who are quietly unfollowing each other on Instagram

Why December is the Season of GoodbyesFor many Kenyan couples, December serves as both a metaphorical and literal full stop. The year is ending, and so, it seems, is their patience. To an outsider, it might seem baffling. Why would anyone choose to break up during a season filled with goat feasts, bonus cheques, and family gatherings? Shouldn’t they wait until January when everyone’s too broke to fight?

But therein lies the genius of the holiday separation. December is, for all intents and purposes, a litmus test for relationships. All those unresolved arguments and simmering resentments finally boil over when couples are forced into long car rides together on their way to the ushago (countryside). After all, nothing brings out a partner’s worst habits like Nairobi-Meru traffic or the great Kisumu Christmas exodus.

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Add to that the pressure to keep up appearances—matching kitenge outfits, elaborate family lunches, and those awkward introductions of the one to an ever-judging shosho (grandmother). Some relationships crumble under this weight faster than a chapati on an overeager rolling pin.

And so the excuses come: “It’s not you, it’s me.” Or, in some cases, the more brazen ghosting approach: “Phone off. WhatsApp last seen removed. Karibu January.”

From Power Couples to Cautionary Tales

Ghosting: Nairobi’s Latest Festive SportIf December divorces and separations weren’t enough, ghosting has entered the chat. In case you’re unfamiliar, ghosting is when one partner disappears faster than a plate of mutura at a street corner.

Kenyan ghosters have perfected the craft. One day you’re sharing a nyama choma platter at Olepolos, and the next, you’re met with cold silence, unanswered texts, and one-word replies that scream “I’m already halfway out the door.”

But ghosting in December is particularly brutal. Why? Because the season’s festivities make you hyper-aware of your single status. At every kamukunji (family meeting), well-meaning aunties ask, “Na hujaoa bado? Kwani shida ni gani?” (You’re still not married? What’s the problem?). The ghostee is left replaying those last conversations, wondering where it all went wrong.

Surviving Festive HeartbreakFor those unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of a December split, take heart. As one wise uncle at a wedding once said, “A heartbreak isn’t the end of the world. It’s just the beginning of better nyama choma.”

The good news is that December heartbreaks come with distractions. There are weddings to attend (where you can flaunt your sudden glow-up), last-minute plans to coast through, and enough music festivals to drown out your tears. By the time the New Year rolls around, you’ll be too busy posting #NewYearNewMe captions to care about the one who got away.

For the Ghosters and DivorcésTo those walking out of relationships this festive season, take a moment to reflect. A December split may seem like the easy way out—no Valentine’s Day pressure to deal with in February—but your ghosting will not go unnoticed. Come January, someone will bump into you at Two Rivers Mall and raise a perfectly arched eyebrow as they mutter, “Long time…where did you disappear to?”

As they say, Nairobi is a small town with traffic. Eventually, we all cross paths.

Conclusion: Love, Loss, and a Plate of PilauAt its core, December separations are not so much an end as they are a reset button. Relationships, like New Year’s resolutions, sometimes just don’t make it to February. If you’re going through a festive breakup, remember that you’re not alone—somewhere, someone else is also scrolling through old photos and asking, “Did they really take the dog?”

So eat the pilau, sip the mnazi, and toast to fresh starts. After all, in Nairobi, where everyone knows someone who knows someone, love’s next chapter is always just a barbecue invite away.