How to set expectations to be treated right

Hi Chris,

We’re forever being told to look out for red flags, and I get that. But red flags only identify the bad guys. How do I go beyond that to find positively lovely boyfriends?

Chris says,

Hi Lovely!

You’re right. Red flags only help to weed out the no-hopers. After that, having nice boyfriends is all about setting expectations, so guys quickly learn how to treat you right.

So make sure your grooming and clothes always say the right things about you. You’re telling him that you expect the same from him. Learn how to make confident small talk and send perfect text messages. And expect the same from him.

Let him know what you want on a date. Make sure he knows you expect him to behave like a gentleman. You’re setting the tone for your entire relationship.

Put your phone away, be fun and never moody. And be honest! You don’t have to tell him everything right away but never lie. And let him know that you expect the same standards from him.

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Make sure he knows he has to pay for your dates! Buy him little things from time to time to show you appreciate what he’s doing for you.

Be the one to bring up whether the two of you are becoming an item. He won’t. Say ‘I love you’ first, and encourage him to respond enthusiastically each time. And don’t let him be pushy about intimacy. Tease him to make sure he knows you think he’s sexy, but set the pace. And when you finally get naked, make sure it’s lovemaking, not some crazy smash-and-grab.

Once you’re exclusive, make sure you’re both totally exclusive! Expect fewer dates and more time together. Encourage him to learn to cook. Be aware of each other’s likes and dislikes. Be there for each other in difficult times. Start building a life together. Introduce him to your friends and, in time, to your family.

And before you know it, you’ll be with the best man in the world.

All the best,

Chris