Is the heart truly innocent in love, or does it all come from the brain?

A good friend of mine recently reminded me that I was once heartbroken by a certain Kamba girl. We were passing by her house, so he made a joke about it, but I didn’t laugh. I let his joke dry on the road. He reminded me of Kimani Ichungwa’s father, who took in a lady who had turned him down in his youth when he was sixty-five years old and she had eight children. I told him I am not a not-for-profit organisation.

It got me thinking about love and my former obsession with Ukambani ladies. I don’t know if it was their special complexion. There are many shades of light skin tone in Kenya, but the Ukambani tone is unique. I believe genetic analysis of that skin pigmentation gene may reveal what the Khoikhoi passed on their way down South.

Is it mangoes? Mangoes grow in many regions in Kenya. For the longest time, I believed mangoes from the Coast are the best, the embe dodo. Until I became an adult and tasted the mangoes from Ukambani. The streets of heaven must be paved with gold but lined with Ukambani mango trees.

Enough of excuses, my heart was not only broken but shattered. What does the heart have to do with it? Did religion and society lie to us that we feel with the heart? The heart is a mechanical organ that pumps blood to the whole body. More of logistics than the abstract matters of attraction that involve chemistry, which is about hormones.

One hormone associated with love is dopamine, which is released by neurons in the brain responsible for the reward pathway. It creates the feeling of euphoria and pleasure in the early stages of love and then makes you expect a reward for it. We never blame the brain; all we say is that the heart is foolish because the brain is a logical organ. “Foolish Heart” a 1984 hit song by Steve Perry asks, “Will my lonely heart play the part of the fool again?”

Oxytocin is known as the love hormone or “cuddle chemical”. It is released during physical touch, hugging and sexual activity, which leads to connection, the buildup of trust and deeper bonding. It is produced in the hypothalamus part of the brain and released to the bloodstream by the pituitary gland. It also lowers anxiety and increases testosterone production in men.

Its negative side is that it is also responsible for triggering envy and aggression. You can blame this hormone for the actions of people who harm for love. The brain and pituitary gland are responsible for this but the heart will get the blame.

Serotonin is another hormone. Luos and Luhyas will jump when they hear this word. Seduction in both languages is based on the word sero and khuserera. This is the hormone that regulates moods, sleep, appetite and can cause obsession. Next time a lover tells you, “I love you so much that I can’t eat,” blame this hormone.

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The feeling of constriction during heartbreak is caused by this hormone, but we always blame the heart. It helps in slowing blood flow towards bleeding wounds. So when there is no wound, but you are emotionally hurt, it lowers the flow of blood. It is synthesised in the brain and small intestines.

Now, love is a deep connection based on commitment. It is based on acceptance, trust and mutual support. Love is boring to some extent; commitment is made devoid of the excitement and euphoria of the above hormones. These hormones are meant to ignite the process; maybe Oxytocin, which is responsible for building trust, is required for the process of growing love.

Infatuation, which is what we call “crush,” is that overwhelming attraction we feel towards the opposite sex. It comes with an intense physical attraction and excitement in the imagination based on an imagined outcome. It is meant to be short-lived and end, or if it stays for long, then it transitions to love.

Obsession is an unhealthy fixation. This comes with a desire to possess and control the other person, accompanied by a lack of empathy. This is the love that comes with conditions and many rules regarding friends and family. I tend to believe obsession is born of a relationship between two people who are not at the same level. One can’t believe that they have fallen in love with such a beautiful, handsome, rich or respected person.

The control comes in to manage outside influence so that they are not enlightened enough to change their mind. Such decisions can only be made by the brain, but we still blame the heart. The hormones should be blamed for infatuation and obsession. I don’t know which hormone causes the imbalance when released in high quantities or if the body doesn’t mop it up when it is no longer needed.

The heart may facilitate the process, but only after being prompted by the brain. The heart is innocent of all the accusations levelled against it in regards to love. The culprit is the brain, whose thinking pathway seems to be inhibited the moment it releases the hormones responsible for love. Have you heard that the biggest sexual organ is the brain? Give the heart a break.