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Hi Chris!
My small children have started telling lies! Does that mean I’m a terrible mother? What am I doing wrong? What can I do to encourage them to be honest?
Lying Children
Chris says,Hi Lying Children!
You’re not a terrible mother. All small children lie and they’re not really trying to mislead you, because toddlers believe that adults know everything. But as they discover that they can get around you, they’ll begin to lie deliberately. And get better at it!
Children’s lying peaks when they’re around five or so. Then they gradually figure out that it also has some downsides, and so they lie less often.
And in fact, we all lie, don’t we? Think about how you encourage your children to say how nice Grandma’s present was, when really it wasn’t. Naturally, you also discourage them from telling whoppers, but young children don’t see the difference and will still lie to avoid punishment or to make themselves look good.
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In fact, lying’s a normal part of growing up, not something evil. So don’t get cross about it. That won’t stop them anyway, and they won’t understand why you’re upset. Instead, just look pleased when they tell the truth.
Humour works too. So if your child says they’ve washed their face when it’s quite obvious they haven’t, try laughing about how they must have used dry water and would they mind going back and using water this time?
Above all, praise them whenever they’re honest and don’t put them in situations where lying will get them out of trouble. Like asking whether they did something wrong when you’ve no way of establishing the facts. And as they get older, explain the benefits of being honest. Like being trusted, for example.
Lying’s only a serious issue if there’s also some other difficulty, such as your child being moody, withdrawn or angry. That might suggest that they’re having problems of some sort, maybe at school or with friends, and you should try to find out what’s going on.
Otherwise, just wait for them to grow out of it!
All the best,
Chris
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