Is it me, or is everyone I date allergic to commitment?

Hi Chris,

I date lots of exciting new guys, but sooner or later, they all let me down. Why’s that, and what am I doing wrong?

Let Down

Chris says,

Hi, Let Down!

You’re not doing anything wrong! However exciting they are, 99 per cent of the guys you meet won’t match your needs. That’s no one’s fault, but it does mean that you must decide quickly whether a new guy fits, or you’re just wasting time.

So move on if you don’t start feeling relaxed and comfortable around one another pretty soon. Or he only has time for an occasional dinner with you. Or you don’t find each other’s lips irresistible, adore each other’s smell, and can’t stop touching one another.

After a month or so, you should both start wanting your relationship to be exclusive. So say so, out loud. It’s almost always the woman who has to start the conversation, but he should be equally willing to commit. So move on if he still feels it’s okay to chase after other people once you’ve discussed being exclusive.

Soon after that, you should start spending time together just being yourselves every day. Is his schedule always too busy? Well, if he can’t find time for you now, how do you think things will be later?

Keep Reading

Just being yourselves together is all about finding whether you’re really compatible, away from the formality of a date. You need to know whether he’s tidy or disorganised around the house, for example. And willing to help clean or cook together.

Welcome disagreements, because they show how you handle conflict together. Does he argue effectively, or disappear every time things get rough? Fights usually bring out the worst in people, so it’s better to know what that’s like sooner rather than later.

Because love’s about the real world. It’s not just a feeling, it’s about give-and-take, working together, enjoying each other’s company and being able to trust and depend on one another. Find out all that quickly and then decide promptly. So you’re not wasting your time on someone who’ll eventually let you down.

All the best,

Chris