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When was the last time you felt good about yourself in the bedroom? According to Professor Joachim Osur, a sexual health expert, sexual confidence starts with being responsible for your own pleasure by knowing what it is that you want and being comfortable with it.
He describes sexual confidence as coming from both the mind and the body. The mind holds the values, knowledge, intuition, and feeling of safety, while the body is about the skill. That means confidence doesn’t only rely on sexual experience.
“Some people are confident because they understand their values, desires, and boundaries before engaging in sex,” he says. Sexual confidence develops further when partners have honest and ongoing conversations about these without fear of being judged.
The other way to build your confidence in the bedroom is by embracing self-care. Wear outfits that make you feel sensual and accentuate your best features, and this is necessary especially if you struggle with body image issues.
Create body-positive mantras that you repeat to yourself in the mirror. Get to know yourself again by reflecting on what being confident looks like for you and what steps you can take right away to get to it. These practices cultivate self-acceptance and comfort, which ultimately increases confidence.
Those who have gone through sexual trauma can have low sexual confidence.
“If you have been sexually assaulted, have low libido, premature ejaculation, or sexual pain, it could affect your confidence,” he explains.
Factors like cultural expectations, religious teachings, and moral judgement can also make people feel guilty and ashamed about sexual choices, Osur says.
Challenge harmful thoughts about intimacy and reframe them in ways that are empowering and match your personal values. He adds that you can achieve healing from therapy, where you will get tools to nurture self-awareness and self-acceptance and unlearn guilt and fear.
Professor Osur insists that confidence can be learnt and nurtured, including from sex coaches and other professionals. He also believes that safe exploration through fantasy and education within their personal values and boundaries can help people be attuned with their pleasure.
“Sexual education is an ignored area in health, yet it helps people strengthen confidence. When people understand their sexual selves, they approach intimacy without fear or shame,” he says.
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