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Hi Chris,
I guess I am what you would call a strong and feisty woman. I am making my way in life and I am fortunate to have a husband who is okay with that. He is supportive, helpful and caring.
But lately, I have noticed that I am not enjoying my marriage any more. Especially in bed.
What has gone wrong?
Everything’s Flat
Chris says,
Hi, Everything’s Flat!
Modern men have learned to like strong and feisty women and to enjoy being more supportive and emotionally intimate with them. And yet nobody is happy! Why not?
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Because even though being married to a man who is faithful, warm and open is lovely, increased equality in relationships comes at a cost. Deep down wives also want their husbands to be winners among men. To protect, and provide for her. And to be exciting!
So when husbands help too much with their wives’ chores, the couple’s sex life generally goes flat. Somehow everybody’s happier when a couple follow the more traditional roles. Because guys doing girl chores is a turn-off in the bedroom.
No one ever refuses help with the housework. But most women are much more impressed when their husbands show their muscles and get sweaty. Because what makes for good relationships doesn’t necessarily drive lust.
Women are generally turned on at night by the same things that they would hate during the day. Taking charge in bed? Wonderful! But in daylight, she would say it was controlling.
So it seems like the sexes are not as interchangeable as they seem. The fewer gender differences there are in your marriage, the less desire you’ll feel. You might be best friends, but your sex life will go flat.
Husbands should help their wives, and wives should help their husbands. But there is a tricky balance to be struck. Because while your husband being caring and supportive is lovely, it is his strength, independence and resilience that turns you on.
So it may go against all your feminist principles, but you will have more fun in bed if you encourage your husband to stick to muscular male chores!
All the best,
Chris