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Friends are family that we chose for ourselves. True ones stick around through thick and thin. Life has its up and downs and it can be very difficult to watch your friend deal with a break-up.
Most of the time, we run out of ideas to cheer them up. It's normal to feel powerless when your friend goes through a tough breakup, but one of the most important things you need to know is that there is no quick fix to the situation.
People deal with heartaches differently. There are ways you can, however, help them in alleviating their pain and be that strong pillar to lean on as they deal with a breakup
So, what are they?
1. Listen
It is important to be a shoulder to lean on and one thing your friend needs at that moment is someone who can just listen. Give them an ear, listen to them as they let it all out. Speaking heals.
2. Be there
In as such much as you know and understand your friend, asking what they want or need from you is important. Offer them advice, give them time and be that voice of reason.
3. Don't victimize
It is best to avoid using judgemental language that makes them feel victimized ("How dare he do this to you! He's evil!") You can walk that line between hearing her pain and reminding her of the exciting things that will likely grow out of it ("I'm so sorry you're having to feel all this right now. But I truly believe something exciting for you is on the other side of this").
4. Don't compare yourself
When helping a friend through a breakup, it can be really tempting to go, "Oh, I remember when I broke up with my ex...." Resist the urge. No two people are alike and therefore no two breakups are alike.
5. Engage them in activities they like
Be careful not to do or go to a place that will bring memories of the broken relationship back. Surprise them with what cheers them up, be it a manicure, blowout, or spa treatment at their favourite salon. Do not encourage coping behaviours such as binge drinking or eating.
6. Be patient
It’s always easier to maintain a friend through the good times, so it’s natural for hard times such as breakups to feel straining and frustrating on a friendship.
Constantly remind yourself that it’s your job as a friend to be empathetic and involved even if it means listening to the same questions or stories repeatedly as your friend processes the new source of grief.
7. Focus on what helps your friend feel better
Though your friend should not avoid or express the pain and sadness of the breakup, those feelings often find other outlets in the weeks and months that follow. Channelling negative emotions into positive activities is a process referred to as sublimation.
Find out the activities your friend is using to sublimate the hurt feelings and encourage them.
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