Have I missed out by only being with one man?

Hi Chris,

I’m in my 30s and have only ever been intimate with my husband, but one of my work colleagues recently told me that she’s slept with 21 men! 

I was amazed. Is she weird? Or am I? What’s a normal number in this life?

Numbers

Hi Numbers!

There isn’t really a ‘normal’ number of partners that someone should have during their life. A few people have none at all and are perfectly content with that. Around twenty per cent of us have just one partner, and are also happy about that. 

But most of us have several. Not surprisingly, it’s quite hard to get accurate figures because people lie a lot about such things, but surveys do mostly suggest that men have more partners than women! The commonest number for men is seven and four for women, but many people have far more than that. Around twenty five percent of people say they’ve had more than twenty partners, although there’s a big variation around the world. Numbers of over thirty for both men and women are not unusual - like do you remember Carrie in ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’ who calculated that Charles was number thirty-two!? And needless to say, there are a few people who have far higher numbers still.

So you should stop worrying about how many partners your colleague’s had! Though I guess it’s not the actual number that’s bothering you, but what it implies about her lifestyle and yours.

.

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But you shouldn’t worry about that either. Because these days, modern urban career women tend to behave much more like men before they’re ready to settle down, and that includes having more short-term relationships. But once they start thinking about marriage, they revert to more traditional values.

And if you’re worrying that perhaps you’ve missed out by being faithful to your husband, put that thought right out of your mind. Sex is very definitely one of those areas where quality matters more than quantity, so just focus on enjoying every intimate moment together with the only man in your life.

All the best,

Chris