What do will I do? I’m pregnant by someone’s fiance

I have been in a no-strings-attached relationship with a guy who has a steady girlfriend. Now I am two months pregnant for him and I know they are getting married next month. He knows I am expectant but he still wants to go ahead with the wedding. He has promised to help me take care of the baby. I am confused; I think that after the wedding, he will forget all about me and his baby. My friends think I should stop the wedding although some think that it would be unfair since I knew about their relationship. Please advice. {Esther}

Your Take:

Esther, this affair was built on a no-strings-attached basis and, therefore, your partner should go on with his wedding. Do not try to blackmail him. You allowed yourself to get pregnant and you knew the foundation of the relationship. Also, do not wait on his promise of taking care of the baby. He will have many responsibilities once he gets married.

{John Musuku}

The guy has already declared who he loves. Trying to stop the wedding will not help nor change anything. You carry the child and look for another man to marry you.

{Wilberforce Atsiaya}

If you knew about his relationship all this time and you accepted him as he is, then let him go. Do not put any pressure on him even after his wedding. Let him go and if he comes back, let it be on his own free will. However, if you think he may jump the oral contract, it may be necessary you have the agreement in writing but do not get between him and his wedding.

{Tasma Charles}

Esther do not infect him with your confusion. If I were you, I would keep quiet and get another man to take care of you. Stop getting in between people who are moving on well with their lives. You chose to get pregnant knowing very well he had a steady girlfriend. What do you want now?

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

You very well understand the consequences of unprotected sex, so accept the situation and the unborn child. Second, he has promised to take care of the child, so have some trust in him although you could ask him to put it in writing. The most important thing now is security for the baby. Do not judge him since you are as much to blame as he is.

{June su}

Your aim was to spoil this couple’s relationship and take her place in his life. You forced yourself to this man knowing very well he had a girlfriend and, therefore, you’ve no business stopping their wedding. Though he might assist in the baby’s upkeep, you need to repent of your deeds.

{Pastor Ben Shikuku, Bungoma}

Counselor’s Take:

Esther, it is quite encouraging that you appreciate this thing for what it really was - a no-strings-attached sexual relationship. It may not, therefore, be fair to go disrupting his wedding plans while you knew what was going on. However, you also ought to look out for yourself here. As you put it, he may forget about you after the wedding leaving you to either fight it out in court or to take care of the child yourself.

With the above facts, this may be the best time to act to ensure the interests of all parties are safeguarded. This should be done in a diplomatic way unless otherwise required. You may not be well placed to do this alone since you have potential to get emotional. You would need a mature relative/s and a lawyer.

Share the facts with him and make it clear you have no intention of stopping the marriage but to secure the well-being of the baby. The approach should be soft and subtle and not intimidating in any way to avoid resentment from him.

If he is sincere with his promise to take care of the child, he ought to do two things; one, put it in writing (with details as to the levels of support) and two, inform the bride-to-be about the pregnancy and the agreement.

The bride to be may not take it lying down but she should be easy to deal with by asking that she co-operates or has the wedding postponed until you sort out this matter. With the latter, she will comply and even encourage him to sign whatever papers.

Take note of the fact that this is a complex matter since the law provides that for a man to take care of a child, there must have been a relationship between both parties for a reasonable period of time. This, therefore, requires that you keep all the evidence you have with regard to the relationship just in case it goes the litigation way.

If he complies with this, then let it be, and do interfere further in his life because the relationship was primarily open and was not destined for anywhere. You would then need to figure how to love your life thereafter.

 Do not lose sight of the fact that she was there before you and before taking any drastic steps, put yourself in her shoes and how you would rather the situation was handled. We all make mistakes and this may be one of yours but you have to take responsibility and live with it. {Taurus}