I'm in love with a stripper and want to marry her

I am 30 and have been dating a beautiful girl whom I am thinking about marrying. The problem is that she works as a dancer at a strip club. I have known her for a while and I really like her but I know that she does those things to customers for money.

When I ask her she says it is just work and that she doesn’t feel anything so I should not worry also because she is faithful to me. I don’t want to lose her but I am afraid to marry a stripper so I am kind off in a tight spot. I don’t know what to do.

She says that she has to do what she has to do to put food in the table. She also says that she will quit when we get married. Should I trust that she will change after we get married or do such girls just belong out there? Please advise me because I really love her.

{Mark}

Your take

Mark, when you love somebody, you can make them be who you want them to be. So there is absolutely no problem here. However, think about this and be sure that she is the woman you want to spend your life with before you proceed.

{Fred Jausenge}

When you love a cow, love even the rope that it comes with. Love her even with her faults and weakness. Talk to her and let her feel that you trust her and give her an option of quitting and engaging in other income generating projects. I am sure with love and proper communication she will see your point.

{Eric Macharia}

A good relationship is judged on four fronts i.e. love, trust, understanding and honour. She needs to stop what she is doing and you both find something different for her to do. She may not change her habits when you get married and she is still working there.

{Charles Olanya}

The only thing is you have to be 100 per cent fine and OK with her stripping and keep your jealousy in check. If she makes you happy, you trust and love her then go for it! If she is stable and not destructive i.e. she is not cheating on you, doing drugs, drinking or just a bad person then she maybe good marriage material. Some people do change after marriage so you can change and tame her.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

I think, with all the assurance she has given you, she means what she is saying. She may be doing this for her daily bread. Marry her as soon as you can and get her out of there then build trust between you. All said and done, you know the extent of your love for her.

{Ouma Ragumo}

You know her history. There are women married out there who have very dark pasts (some were twilight girls, peddlers or murderers) but they have made good wives and mothers. If she has the qualities of a mother, give her the lines and you will be happy.

{Tasma Charles}

For a lady to be called a stripper, she doesn’t strip for women. When she leaves the job, support her, trust her and mould her into the right ways. You will both need counseling. Otherwise she can make a good wife after passing through the hell of stripping.

{Onyango Outha}

Love conquers all barriers and it is you to help her quit that career and focus on other useful things. You are both real with each other and so you have nothing to worry about. Go ahead and marry her.

{Aseri Dick}

Counsellor’s take

Yes indeed, she has to do what she has to do to put food on the table as she rightly puts it and in all fairness, we should not judge people by the kind of jobs they do. However, we have to dig deeper into this issue and examine the facts to make an accurate judgement. She is a strip dancer in a night club, you stated in no uncertain terms that she provides sexual favours to men in exchange for money, you are in love with her and are even considering marriage. Appreciating the facts will give us a clear picture of this situation and probably help you make a sober decision.

You seem to have accepted her job as any other job but have you dealt with the psychological issues that a man has to deal with when it comes to his woman’s sexual relations with other men?

As a matter of fact, men usually want a woman who appears not to have been with too many men. For her, you know that she has been at it with several men (nobody knows exactly how many) – yes, she says it is all about the money but do you believe that this is all there is to it? How do you plan to deal with this because it will become a big issue in the course of your marriage?

To me, giving sexual favours of any kind in exchange of money casts a moral question to her habits. If she can put her actions behind her and you also decide to flush out all the memories you have of her as a strip dancer, you may be better placed to handle this situation.

Nonetheless, you know her better and have probably weighed the issues before settling on marriage and I will not discourage you from going ahead with the plans. But how sure are you that she is interested in getting married and settling down?

What if you asked her to quit her job tomorrow and settle down with you, would she actually do that? The grand question is, if she quit her job and it took a while for her to find another more acceptable job or income generating activity, are you in a position to adequately support her? If push comes to shove, she may go back to her old ways.

Lastly, men have married women from similar and even worse places including commercial sex workers who have gone ahead and made good wives and wonderful mothers. However, you have to be able to deal with the issue first and she has to be ready to change her ways and block it out of her mind such that she would not consider going back.

{Taurus}