Can love survive without physical attraction?

A relationship usually starts with sparks: those early feelings of curiosity, emotional connection, excitement and strong attraction. However, as time passes and life transitions occur, such as childbirth, ageing, weight changes or hormonal shifts, physical appearance can change.

Consultant psychologist James Bosse says that while changes in physical appearance and attraction are normal, the way couples interpret and respond to them will tell if it affects desire or creates distance.

He says it can affect how they perceive each other, especially if the relationship blossomed out of physical attraction.

“Love and attraction are related but not identical. When physical appearance changes from what initially drew partners together, the relationship can be affected,” he says.

Lack of open communication can lead to emotional distance and dissatisfaction. In some cases, changes in how partners speak about each other’s bodies can create misunderstanding if not handled sensitively.

He explains that men and women respond differently to physical changes. Men, he suggests, are more visually responsive while women prioritise emotional connection. However, he insists that emotional and physical attraction matter to all people, even if expressed differently.

He adds that changes in attraction after major life events such as childbirth are common and are influenced by hormonal changes and increased responsibilities, particularly for women. These can affect both self-care and expectations in the relationship.

When attraction declines, couples can experience diminished intimacy and avoidance if the issue is not addressed.

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In some relationships, James says, attraction declines when partners hold unrealistic expectations or struggle with cognitive distortions, such as comparing their partner’s appearance to an idealised version.

Self-esteem also affects how partners deal with changes in appearance.

“People with high self-esteem are more likely to be understanding and supportive, while those with lower self-esteem can be critical or withdraw emotionally,” he says.

He encourages couples to accept their own bodies and their partner’s. When this does not happen, shame and insecurity can arise, affecting intimacy and self-image.

Emotional connection, he adds, can minimise the impact of physical changes on intimacy and desire.