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Hi Chris,
My marriage is in trouble, although there are still the occasional good moments. I want to leave, but I don’t want to have any regrets.
Should I Go
Hi Should I Go!
Your best strategy is to do everything you can to improve your marriage, even though you’re thinking about leaving. Being prepared to leave means you’ve nothing to lose and can tackle your problems head-on.
Take a totally honest look at yourself and your husband. Remember how you started. How have things changed since then? Can they be put right? Are you still able to enjoy each other’s company, at least some of the time, or is it all bickering and strained silences?
Work on creating some good times again. Even just laughing together over some funny TV shows will help you see the good in each other.
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Is there a lot of stress in your lives right now? If there is, you’ve likely started being hard on each other without realising it. Every response is defensive and so a vicious circle begins. Working together on reducing stress could transform your marriage.
Chances are, you no longer feel important to one another, so make each other a priority again. Resist the temptation to compare your marriage with anyone else’s, and be careful about the advice your friends and family give you - they’ll all be biased! Consider seeing a counsellor, because that will help you both to open up about how you’re feeling about your relationship and to identify and solve the underlying problems.
Did your husband do something that made you feel bad? Can you forgive him? If that feels impossible, talk to your counsellor.
And if you can’t find a way to save your marriage, be prepared to feel lots of emotions. Because leaving even the worst relationship can be surprisingly hard. You’ll feel lonely, struggle to concentrate, endlessly obsess about your ex, find yourself crying, feeling down, worthless and foolish. You’re sure you’ll never find love again.
But you will. You’ll be sad for a while. But wiser. And eventually, far happier.
All the best, Chris
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