Red flags: Knowing when to hold on and when to run away

The general awareness of mental health issues has led to the proliferation of words like narcissist, toxic and gaslighting on social media.

Then there are red flags and green flags. These may not be new because red and green have been used for a long time to tell one to stop and go, respectively. Green light is used to mean permission has been granted. However, flags and their colours are used to describe the same thing in fledging relationships.

Red flags have been used more recently to denote warning signs that reveal negative traits in someone or the general condition of a relationship.

The common one that people will highlight is a highly misplaced sense of self-worth, otherwise called narcissistic traits. Like the sun, they believe or are happy when everything revolves around them. The other common traits mentioned are codependency and trauma bonding.

All these are red flags. Because people tend to put their best foot forward in fledging relationships, rarely would they notice the red flags.

New relationships come with obsessive thinking and putting special meaning on mundane things associated with your object of desire.

It got me thinking of fundamental red flags that you should never let pass.

One of them is a person who cannot handle boredom. These are people who always have plots to organise and attend events all over the place. He will be following all the rugby circuits, motor cross and other out-of-town events. When these events are not on the calendar, they are the head of local events at popular joints. They cannot sit still and enjoy their own company.

Keep Reading

This will come with some trappings of class, soft life pleasures, attention and drama for some. It is good to note who foots the bill for these escapades and the crowd they hang out with. If they are the type who projects high standards without the resources to match, then that is a huge red flag. If this comes with a love for drama, then step back. What happened in Mombasa connects to what happened in Kisumu and explodes on you in Nairobi. That is a huge red flag.

These people may be the life of parties and very fun to be with. However, everything they represent is a warning sign of an unhealthy environment in relationships. These are the people who will leave you at home and disappear for a whole weekend. Their love is wholesale and they tend to lack the retail abilities to make you the focus of their attention.

The second red flag is someone who has never been alone. There is always a budding relationship whenever the one they are in shows signs of fizzling out. These are people who have never lived alone or faced life on their own without the support of a lover. Such people can weigh you down emotionally because of the fear of independence.

The flip side of this is another crimson flag. People who have everything going for them in terms of looks and resources but are serial bachelors and bachelorettes. She has no relationship with her colleagues at work or even former college mates. This is evidence of poor social skills which could be rooted in deeper problems.

Then the case for body count comes. It is not easy to find out the true figure of how many partners someone has slept with but if you truly want to find out, you can get a good representative figure. It is also not about the count, but how many people they refused to sleep with the ones they slept with. If only five people were available and she slept with all of them, then that is a red flag right there.