Three ways you can secure love

When you are looking for a love partner, there are very limited ways of securing one.

You could ‘steal’ one, meaning they are already dating someone else, but dating does not render you blind, does it? You might see other people and want to date them. Other people might see you and want to date you.

If the feeling is mutual, it can instantly make you change your attitude towards the current partner as you start wondering how you ever thought them appealing.

This is the way that drives people into having clandestine affairs especially if they are already in a binding relationship like marriage.

The second option - you could risk with someone on re-bound. This one is, however, an active minefield, one that must be approached with zero expectations. See, it is nearly impossible to come out of a relationship unscathed, however bad that relationship was.

You second-guess yourself. You are dealing with disappointment and you are probably hurt and bitter at yourself or your former partner. Rebound means someone is still hoarding raw feelings, good or bad. Rebound relationships happen when people are trying to prove something to themselves, and the former partner – that they can be fine without them.

They are damaged. They are trying to heal. They likely took the next available thing (you) to help their days and nights pass and make them forget the woes past.

Once they heal, there is a possibility that they will finally take a good look at you and decide you are not what they need. Approach with caution – even better, do not approach at all.

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Way number three – the lot that has been comfortably single for a while. On the surface, this is the best option because you would not be worried about a third party.

Scratch the surface though, and there is usually trouble. They are used to being alone, not being accountable to another human. They are used to not reporting their intentions, and getting into a relationship means they will have to compromise on the freedom that singlehood accords.

They easily get irritable when you come into their lives and start marking territory, even with the seemingly smallest stuff like asking them not to leave their dirty laundry on the floor that is strangely next to the laundry basket. This is the lot that wants to eat their cake and have it too – they want you in their life, but they want to still live like they are single.

They are out of practice in treating a mate, and it could feel like you are potty-training someone. How draining! Strangely, of the three, the first option is the best, but you would have to be ready to live with the tag of ‘stealer of partner’.

Unless you are thick-skinned enough to take jibes like ‘the same thing will happen to you because karma is a bitch’, you are likely to find yourself single sooner than you thought, when you can no longer take the judging.

It is looked at as a selfish act, but it is a legitimate way of finding love, considering that not everyone in a relationship is happy in that relationship, and everyone is entitled to be in a good relationship. I repeat, it is a legit way because a partner can only be ‘stolen’ if they are willing to be, which in retrospect means they were not happy in the other relationship. However, being greedy is not the same as looking for love – let the community partners quote me on this point.

The re-bound option can only work for the patient and the shrink-wannabes. If you are not afraid of once in a while being compared negatively or positively to the previous partner, you will thrive in this option. If you are willing to help someone regain their faith in humanity, you will be good. Caution – do not enter such relationships and try to prove that you are better than the previous partner.

Generalisations, I know, but not far off the mark. In whatever way you try to find a partner, there are risks involved. What is clear is you would have to take risks. Choose your way wisely, because it is a jungle out here.