I can't settle with a new man

Hi Chris,

Lately, I have started wanting to be in a more committed relationship, but it’s not happening. I still find myself unsure of every new man, and no further forward, even after many months. What am I doing wrong?

Going Nowhere

Chris says,

Hi Going Nowhere!

Dating these days does not necessarily imply a serious relationship. That might not matter if casual is okay by you, but if you are thinking about something more substantial, then it does.

So if commitment is what you want, you need to quickly evaluate each new relationship, so you don’t waste time on a man who is not serious.

Just watch the way he behaves, and you will soon know whether you should move on.

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Like if your new man never returns your calls, and it’s always you who is making plans. Conversations dry up very quickly. You are forever feeling annoyed with him. You suspect you are not always hearing the truth.

His talk about the future is never about you as a couple. You have not met any of his family or friends, and don’t know what he’s doing or who he’s with when you are not together.

Your time together is bringing you very little joy. You are not spending much time together, and when you do it’s all about sex. You are constantly hoping he will start behaving better, but the same issues keep coming up, and he makes to feel you are to blame.

Your values don’t seem to match and there are lots of mixed signals. When you try to get closer, he pulls back. When you try to leave, he’s suddenly closer.

You should also be able to say how you feel to one another. So if you can’t, then you are in a going-nowhere relationship.

So don’t stick around if you are only there because he’s good in bed. Or you find yourself wondering whether this is as good as it gets.

Breaking up is never easy, but once you realise that your relationship’s going nowhere, go find one that is. There are loads of good men out there. You just need to sort the sheep from the goats.

All the best,

Chris