10 big turnoffs in long-term relationships

While you should strive to be yourself while you’re in a relationship, there are some habits that can be a huge turnoff. Let’s look at them below.

Lying

It goes without saying that honesty is necessary if you want to have a successful relationship. Lying, even what some term as white lies, makes it hard to develop trust. And trust is an essential aspect of successful relationships.

Be truthful at all times even when you think that your honesty could lead to problems in the relationship. 

Failing to listen

If you’re the type to talk and talk and talk without giving your partner so much as a chance to speak or you don’t listen to them, you could be in for trouble. Communication in relationships should always be two-way. You should speak and also listen to your partner. 

Selfishness in bed

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’ve been intimate with your partner but you’re left feeling empty? You need to give and take during sex. The best way to make sure that you’re not being selfish in bed is by speaking to your partner about what they like, and sharing what you like.

Being rude to service providers

How you treat waitstaff, the conductor in the matatu or shop attendants can either make or break your relationship. You should treat everybody, whether they are at your “level” or not with respect. 

Laziness

Studies have shown that a lack of ambition is the second biggest turnoff in relationships. Both partners need to have a plan for their life which they are working towards.

Failing to give each other me time

Inasmuch as you’re partners, don’t forget that you’re also individuals with lives outside the relationship. While you shouldn’t live separate lives per se, it’s important to allow your partner to pursue his dreams and friendships outside your relationship. Don’t expect to spend every waking moment with them. 

Constantly playing the victim

Bad things happen to all of us and it's normal to feel like it’s unfair. However, if you’re constantly complaining about this or that thing that happened to you, blaming others, you could be pushing your partner away. Yes, that person wronged you, but you have to let it go. In the same vein, take responsibility for your actions that might have led to that mishap and then move forward and avoid talking about it all the time.

Not having each other’s back

There’s nothing as heartbreaking as hearing that a friend or colleague was talking badly about you, in your partner’s presence, and they didn’t have the decency to defend you. Even if you hear others talking about your partner’s bad character traits, you shouldn’t contribute to the conversation. Have their back and point out their good traits.

Not supporting your partner

I remember one time when I told my boyfriend of the time that I wanted to pursue my master’s and he was less than supportive. I was so deflated. I expected him to cheer me on. You should be each other’s biggest cheerleader. If your partner mentions that they want to pursue their studies, start a new business or change their career, offer words of encouragement and where you can, help out.

Making your partner think they are ‘lucky’ to have you

“Even with all your issues, I am still with you,” the above boyfriend said to me one day. I thought, okay, am I such a burden that I should consider myself lucky to have a boyfriend? Your partner should never have to feel like you are better than them, that it is a privilege that you have allowed them to be a part of your life. Your ego could be the reason you make or break your relationship.

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