Help! I suspect my wife is having an affair with the priest

I have been married for seven years and I have one child. My wife works in a Catholic church as a secretary. Sometime last year, I found out that she had a very close relationship with the priest. This included late night phone calls when they would discuss intimate things to the point that she could only pick his calls away from me. This created a rift in our marriage and I confronted the priest.

 His response was that he believed she was single from what she always told him and he stopped. Later on, I realized that he was having intimate chats with another priest so much so that she could not concentrate on anything. When I asked her about it, she cried and begged me not to confront the priest but I went ahead and did that. She has not stopped this habit. I am confused and I don’t know what to do. Please advise me.

Handling a betrayal from people we love can be both tumultuous and confusing at the same time. That does not mean that we put up with it especially when the other person shows no signs of not just remorse but also change of character.

You confronted the first priest and he, the priest, not your wife, decided to end the relationship. He confessed that he knew your wife was single; that is what your wife told him. This speaks volumes as far as her commitment is concerned.

Now she's involved with another priest who she's crying and begging you not to confront. Your wife is not even sorry for her actions. It is time both of you sat down and had an honest discussion. Trust is a basic but fundamental virtue in marriage without which the marriage cannot stand. Get to the real problem and together come up with your own 'Terms and Conditions'. That is if you feel you can continue with this relationship. On the other hand, she probably is looking for a way out by doing all this.

Each one of you should give their true position on this matter, no assumption. Then you have a choice on your way forward. Forgiveness is one of them. That's for you to choose. But this should not be blank pardon. Lest the other person thinks that they have unlimited and infinite chances therefore making no effort towards behaviour and character change.

Explore all avenues to save your marriage, try to involve genuine relatives or one or two friends. Again it is not just for you to decide. If she opts out, then think of the welfare of the children and how to make it as light as possible for them. Though very difficult, but always know that this is not about the two of you.

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology and loves to share her knowledge in matters of love and marriage