Is my married lover ever going to leave his wife for me?

Dear Coleen

We’ve been together for five years and he promised he’d end his marriage when his sons were grown up – but now they have and nothing has changed

Five years ago, I did work experience in an office after leaving university at 21. My boss was 48 and very attractive, but he was married with two children.

We got close, stayed in touch and eventually we started a relationship. He told me his wife was cold and unloving and they hadn’t had sex in over 10 years – but that she always threatened to turn his sons against him if he left.

He promised me he was only staying with her until his sons had grown up. But they’re now 20 and 18 and are both at university.

I’m now 26 and I’m still with him but starting to lose patience in the relationship.

He’s met most of my friends but I haven’t met any of his for obvious reasons. He still goes on holiday with his wife and their friends, so there are times when I don’t speak to him for two weeks at a time.

He takes me away for weekends, but I want to have a proper holiday with my boyfriend like everybody else.

I recently told him I can’t stand things carrying on as they are and he told me he just can’t imagine his life without me and that he loves me. He said he was going home to tell his wife that night but he never did.

Since then he’s been extra lovely to me and has even bought me a beautiful necklace.

I don’t want to walk away now because we’re so close to being together properly, but I don’t know how much longer I can wait for him.

Coleen says

What makes you think that you’re so close to being together properly? Absolutely nothing you’ve told me makes me think he’s going to leave his wife for you.

To be brutally honest, I think he fobbed you off five years ago when he met you and told you he was going to leave his wife. And five years later he’s still fobbing you off.

I can’t believe you’re still buying it. You’re 26 now so you need to stop wasting your time.

I hate to say it but you’re being a mug. There are plenty more fish in the sea so you need to tell him, “I’m off. I’m done with all your promises, I deserve better and I’m leaving”. Then see if he still wants to be with you.

To be honest, I think he’ll replace you with another twentysomething. I think what he’s doing is revolting. His kids are older and if he really loved you he’d grow a pair and leave his wife, tell his sons and be with you properly.

But it doesn’t sound like he’s going to do this any time soon. He’s just having his cake and you’re letting him eat it.