When your boyfriend forces you to use contraceptives

I am 23 and in a relationship that I consider to be serious. My boyfriend however behaves in a somewhat strange manner which makes me doubt his seriousness towards me. He has been forcing me to use contraceptives for a long time now. Initially he would bring water to the bedside every morning, stand there and inspect my mouth thereafter to ascertain that I have swallowed the pill. I got tired of this and he forced me to get a five-year implant which he inspects every so often. I feel bad and don’t know what to do about it. I don’t feel appreciated and have been feeling like a slave in this relationship. Please help me understand what is going on here... {Conny}

Counsellor's Take

Conny, do not doubt his seriousness any further, take this as a confirmation that the guy is not into this. He is just keeping you around because you are convenient for him.

To a young man, a girl who is not going to get pregnant is the best thing that can happen to him. That he brings you pills and water for breakfast and inspects your mouth to ensure you swallow – tells it all.

He wants nothing to do with you and should you by any chance become pregnant, he will be so quick to deny; after all, he ensured you took the pills right? Then the pregnancy will definitely not be “his” and this he will happily shout from the roof tops.

This is not a serious relationship Conny, it is actually not a relationship in the first place. It is an arrangement of convenience where you provide and satisfy his desire and allure for unprotected sex without exposing him to possibilities of pregnancy. That man will eventually leave you and the unfortunate thing is that he will have used you and who knows what the pills are doing to you?

If you want to remain in the relationship, this will be fine. However, put it at the back of your mind that it is only short-lived and even more critical, it is not supposed to translate into any serious commitments.

The longer you stay in this, the more you are exposing yourself to possibilities of becoming a single mother further, even subjecting your future relationships to a big risk. You don’t need a neurosurgeon to tell you that you are in the wrong place. In most instances and in such situations, it is always better to quit while you are ahead.

You may want to pull a quick one on him; show up someday crying, declare you are expectant and stick with the story for a few days and you may get to realise why Kenya holds many world records in running. {Taurus}

Your Take

Conny, try and understand what he wants from that relationship. He may have some unfounded fears relating to children. If you don’t agree on this, know that marriage is not a life and death situation and especially not to this man. {Tasma Charles}

You doubt your boyfriend’s seriousness simply because you think he is taking longer than you expected to propose. Talk to him and find out why he is doing this. Maybe he wants to avoid pregnancy before marriage. {Pastor Ben Shikuku}

“Baby fever” is real for both women and men so you’ are not a slave. Take time and share your feelings with this guy to win his heart. There is no right answer here, therefore, I suggest you handle that dilemma together and see what evolves. I think he still has some fears about commitment. Talk it over with him and decide together how many children you want. {Andrew Didy Chaplin}

For sure you love this guy but to him you are an easy way to get sex. This relationship is not heading anywhere. {Fred Jausenge}

Conny, the truth should be told, the man is not ready for the responsibility that comes with parenthood. It seems you are the only one who considers this relationship serious. I advise that you two sit down and agree on your future. I also hope that you know his HIV status because there are worse issues associated with unprotected sex than just pregnancy. Open your eyes wider. {Ouma Rangumo}

Conny, I think your boyfriend is being cautious and is not ready to have a child. If he is serious in other aspects, the relationship is worth fighting for. Seek his attention and raise this matter. Make him understand your fear in regards to the issue. This is the only way you will understand his reasons behind and the motive. {Calvin Queens}