I cheated with my ex and now I feel sick with guilt

I feel terrible about what happened because things are going great with my girlfriend – should I tell her what happened?

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my current girlfriend for nearly a year and everything is great. She’s gorgeous, sweet, kind and funny.

Last month I went to a friend’s wedding in the town where I grew up.

My girlfriend couldn’t make it because she had to work, so I went alone.

My ex-girlfriend, who was my first love, was there and she’d just broken up with her boyfriend.

We only split because she moved away for a new job. I was heartbroken and it took me a long time to get over her.

Anyway, she was newly single and looking gorgeous. We drank and danced all night, and I offered to walk her home. She invited me in for a cup of tea and the next thing I knew we were in bed.

It was just like old times and the sex was great, but in the morning I felt awful.

When I got home I could barely look my girlfriend in the eye and I felt sick to my stomach. She kept asking me what was wrong but I told her I was just hungover and tired.

I know I don’t still have feelings for my ex and I trust her not to say anything to anyone, so there’s no chance of my girlfriend ever finding out. But I’m sick with guilt.

Should I tell her what happened?

Coleen says

If you tell her, would you be doing so just to relieve your own guilt?

What good can come from confessing? She’ll probably never trust you again and you may even lose her.

I hate cheating – it causes so much pain. But in this case I can sort of see why you did it.

You went back to being a teenager again – you were in your own town with all the memories it holds, you met up with your first love and things happened. But in the cold light of day you realized what a stupid mistake you made.

If you had feelings for your ex – or if you were in the habit of cheating on your girlfriend – I would advise you to tell her.

But it sounds like you’ve learnt a very hard and painful lesson. So you now have to live with your punishment and that’s the sick-to-your-stomach guilt you’re feeling.

Telling your girlfriend would be selfish because you’re then putting lots of horrible feelings on to her and she’ll have to make the painful decision of whether to stay or go.

Save her the pain – and keep quiet.