Confessions: My ex told me he’s getting married and I broke down

Hello,

My ex got in touch recently to say he’s getting married, which unexpectedly sent me into floods of tears.

We parted ways four years ago – so we’ve been apart some time – and I was confused by my reaction.

Unlike my ex, I haven’t moved on with anyone else, even though I’ve had a few dates. Instead, I’ve focused on bringing up our kids.

We have two children and they’re both very excited by the prospect of being at their dad’s wedding, which only twists the knife.

They see him every other weekend and sometimes during the week, and they get on with his fiancée very well.

I’m happy they like her, as it was hard for them after the divorce and things seemed pretty bleak.

But life has settled down and there’s no drama.

I don’t want to feel like this – it’s not like me to be bitter – and I want to be grown up about it.

But their news has brought back lots of heartache for me, and I’ve been doing lots of soul searching about whether we could have fought harder to make our marriage work. Can you help?

Reply

I can completely understand your reaction – you get divorced and that’s an ending, but I think when someone moves on to the point of marriage, it really does spell the end of a big and important part of your life. It kind of confirms there’s no going back.

It also confirms that he’s happy and getting on with life, while you haven’t met anyone else. And I think it’s OK to feel a bit sorry for yourself.

However, I also think you should take comfort from the fact that you still have a good relationship with him and that your children are happy when they could be finding it tough.

That’s a great achievement and you should be proud of that.

And I’m pretty sure that if you do meet someone special, you won’t dwell on your ex and his marriage. So maybe it’s time now the kids are settled, that you focused a bit more energy on ­yourself and your own happiness?

But don’t feel that your reaction is odd or that you’re still in love with him – I think you’ve responded to arriving at the end of a chapter.

The positive bit of that is that it can also be the beginning of a new and exciting chapter for you.