Why I hate office end year parties

While most organisations plan for end year parties to reward their employees on the great achievements through the year, many staff members attend them for contrary reasons. In most cases, they look forward to the day because it gives them the chance to poke their noses in fellow employees’ lives. Here is a list of the types of people you’ll find at such gatherings that you should avoid at all costs:

People who walk around with power-banks

This is the most dangerous lot as they walk around gathering silly ‘evidence’ on their phones. They carry their power banks along since their poor phones are quick to run out of power from being overworked. The same people who fall under this category are those who fight for spots with power sockets. My friend, if you see any of them, run like your life depends on it. They are the same people who will show up at work in January when everyone is angry, hungry and broke with photos and videos of you imitating your boss’s dance moves. The flood that is supposed to sweep such people is still held up somewhere in Mississippi!

Those who do not take alcohol

I think organisations should plan a different end year party for this lot. They deserve to celebrate on their own! They will fight for tables next to those taking alcohol and spend the rest of the time winking at each other and pointing at people using their long lips as they giggle like tadpoles wagging tiny tails in stagnant water next to a dumpsite. Any time another round of drinks will be served, they will be on the frontline throwing orders like, “Leta Mango! Hapana, Passion! Nataka warm, hii ni baridi!” then hide the soft drinks under the tables as if anyone was trying to take the drinks from them. They assume everyone else is drunk and no one is seeing them hide one juice after another under the table. They always seem to forget the ‘power bank’ lot that goes around collecting such evidence. The whale that is supposed to swallow this lot is still vomiting Jonah.

People who sit next to the DJ

Oooooh Lord! Next time the DJ should just be locked in a room away from everyone else. They will pretend that they are catching up with the DJ on one thing or the other and before you know it, they have managed to arm-twist the DJ to play music of their preference. The most annoying thing is that they will not even rise to shake a leg when the music plays, all they want to do is sit down and shake their heads rhythmically! Who gave birth to this lot surely? One minute you are all up in arms enjoying a hit song then suddenly someone abruptly fixes a traditional song and when you all turn your heads towards the DJ in anger, you find them seated there dancing using their internal organs! Witchcraft is real!

Bosses who sit quietly in a corner away from everyone else

If you ever spot such a lot, send bees their way! Why in Pete’s sake would someone leave the comforts of their home to come and sit away from a group they have come to celebrate with? This lot is hotter than the fire awaiting them in hell. They will be sitting there reshuffling people in their minds based on whatever dance moves one has and whatever drink they are enjoying. To you who shakes your booty and shakes it really well with an alcoholic drink in your hand, what awaits you in January is either very bad news or very good news. Next time you see them just pretend you are drunk and go give them a piece of your mind. You will apologise in January.

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