When I got dumped for my inability to play guitar

Long time ago, our grandmothers and our mothers chose their partners based on character. If looks mattered, perhaps it was not a premium requirement.

But today, it is astonishing to hear the kind of criteria that young women and girls adopt to pick their soul mates. When it comes to choosing mates, most women lose the plot because they put a premium on non-issues.

My grandmother was one of those serious women in life. The fact that a certain paramount chief was eyeing her did not compromise her principles in looking for a hardworking and good fearing man.

Besides that, it had been widely rumoured she would not stand a bow legged man. For that reason, I was told the paramount chief even turned up for a date in shorts just to verify that the soul mate to be was a piece of art with shapely legs.

She was that meticulous and she loved ‘yellow yellow’ people. Little wonder a good number of us were infected by the bug and ended up marrying light skinned people.

But today is not about my grandmother, it is about the girls who have their priorities upside down when choosing their partners. A short trip on a public vehicle will prove that today’s girls despite some being university students are mesmerised by touts!

Granted, touts are some of the best dressed and flamboyant fellows; they also know the newest Sheng lingo in town, and have daily supply of ‘legal tender’. But honestly, any girl who thinks a tout can sustain his flash lifestyle ought to see a doctor and have her head examined.

I have heard unsubstantiated rumours that men with big pot bellies score lowly with girls. This is pure nonsense, if what I witnessed last Saturday at Nairobi West, is anything to go by. Men with pot bellies that look like a mattress that has been folded into two were the biggest hit with skimpily dressed girls.

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money talks

As long as you have enough money, it appears your girth is not a problem. I mean, why should it be when they say money talks? I once lost out a girl to another man, simply because the guy could strum the guitar like Michael Bolton. Any efforts of persuading her to stick to our manifesto of ‘Love ever after’ fell on deaf ears.

My good looks — a substantiated fact — counted for nothing. Really? How long was the man going to strum the guitar and entertain her if the bills remained unpaid? After one year of beseeching her to come back to her senses, she asked me one day if I could play any musical instrument apart from the drum.

I told her I could attempt Kayamba. She sneered and advised me to try the saxophone. I gave up and moved on. Surprisingly, other girls will specifically go for a man with a vehicle. They will spare no efforts in looking for the man with a car, any car even if it will be mistaken by KWS as a rogue baboon or gorilla.

If you got the ignition keys man, you are in business, take a drive with your windows lowered and see what happens. Girl, I also do not get it; why look for a man with a car, kwani you want to be a driver?