Handling freedom anxiety in children during school holidays

The school holidays are here, and children are naturally expected to feel excited, as though their hearts could burst with delight, about long hours of rest, play, catching up with hobbies, and being outdoors.

However, other children experience things differently. The change from a structured school routine to unstructured time at home feels upsetting, and it can result in freedom anxiety.

In the first few days after school closed, Grace Mwakio’s son was thrilled, but it didn’t last long. Restless throughout the day, he cannot stay with one activity for long and seems unable to settle into play. At times, he sits by himself, as though unsure what to do.

“Small things frustrate him, especially when he is bored or when he has to decide for himself what to do. He continually asks when schools will reopen,” she says.

Aduda Vincent allows structured and unstructured time for his son and daughter. Their day starts with breakfast, house chores, and play, and after lunch, they use their gadgets and then take their bikes.

“I balance structured time and freedom with limits. I don’t want to over-structure their time because I want them to be free; the only structured activity is doing chores,” Aduda shares.

He observes that his children do not experience freedom anxiety; if anything, they need more time adjusting to school reopening.

James Maumau says that although his two sons are interested in play, they always ask when they will go back to school. Their days involve house chores, limited time on the iPad, and playing in the park. His older son plays football, while the younger one enjoys watching music with him.

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“When they get bored, they want me to do things with them. When they inquire about school, I see it as a chance to guide them on how to spend their days,” he says.

Joy Mala was preparing her two children to go to the Aga Khan Walk to skate as we conversed. Once a week, her son plays football and taekwondo; her daughter goes swimming in the neighbourhood pool.

She notes that it is the initiative of parents and caregivers to plan what a child should do with their free time.

“My children tell me what activities they want to engage in, and I create schedules around them. For this reason, they respond positively to school holidays, and they don’t want them to end,” she says.

While it feels like a foreign concept, freedom anxiety in a child is a real challenge that can stem from too much freedom or too little of it. Too much freedom shows up as a lack of clear structure and guidance, which can weaken internal control and leave a child feeling unsafe and anxious.

Too little freedom manifests as a lack of independence, overprotection, over-scheduling, micromanaged lives, reduced roaming and play, or being denied the chance to play alone, all of which can prevent a child from building confidence and independence.

Signs of freedom anxiety in a child include restlessness, withdrawal, irritability, excessive screen time, sleep disturbances, clinginess, and difficulty engaging in play. Some children intensely miss school and its predictability and stability, repeatedly expressing worry about when they will go back.

Psychologist Faith Nyoike notes that schools are softer in discipline and more fun these days, while some homes have strict rules that children find stressful.

The predictable routines of school also provide a sense of safety. Without them, she observes, some children feel unsettled because even simple predictability, such as what they will wear or eat, matters to them.

“Routines allow them to be part of the choice since they can predict what’s coming,” Faith says.

She adds that freedom anxiety is most common between the ages of four and twelve, when children still rely on external structure. She notes that some children have pent-up energy that needs release, and passive activities like watching TV are not enough.

“When you are introducing new things, start slowly and let them know so that they don’t get anxious. Lack of structure destabilises them,” she advises.

Consultant psychologist James Bosse says that while boredom can stimulate creativity, prolonged unstructured time or excessive screen time can lead to irritability and reduced cognitive engagement.

This, he notes, can result in aggressive and risky behaviours, sleep disturbances and disrupted social interaction.

To support children, he advises parents to be warm and firm while creating visual, predictable but flexible schedules that include the child’s input.

“Take time to introduce predictable but flexible schedules and reassure them that things will be fine. Include activities that don’t need critical attention,” he says.

Typically, he notes, children should adjust within seven days, and prolonged difficulty may require professional support.

“Freedom itself is not harmful; it actually creates independence, helps the child develop self-awareness, and enables them to make decisions,” he says.