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Hi Chris!
Somehow I always feel under pressure to be talking to my husband. I’m happy to do that, up to a point, but I also need time to myself, even though he and I are very close. Not to do anything very important. Just to be me.
Is that really so wrong?
Solitude
Chris says,Hi Solitude!
Everything about modern life implies that being alone’s bad. And that you should be interacting with people all the time. Nowadays, even the word ‘alone’ seems to imply a lack of something, that you’re bad at relationships, for example.
But even in a good marriage it’s normal to feel the need for time to yourself. And to feel guilty about that because you’re being unfair to your husband and neglecting him!
But having time to yourself is actually an important part of a relationship. As the first flush of enthusiasm fades, even the most devoted lovers feel the need to become ordinary human beings again from time to time.
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And to pursue their own thoughts and interests in life.
Successful couples handle this transition by re-negotiating how they spend their time. How much time they spend apart, and what they do when they’re together. And actually, it’s not even necessary to be physically alone.
You don’t even have to have quiet. You can have a moment to yourself even with your husband. So that even when you’re both in the same room, you can each be entirely within your own thoughts if you need to be.
And that’s really valuable. Because time spent with your own thoughts allows you to reflect and sort things out in your mind. Problems at work, for example, or between the two of you.
Reflecting quietly on problems often works far better than discussing them with your friends, who may not really understand your situation.
So feel free to develop the habit of setting time aside for yourself. And gently explain your need to your husband. It’s not selfish. It’s an important part of your relationship. And it will actually draw you closer together.
All the best,
Chris
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