Girl code: The difficulty in finding a husband when you’re a successful woman in your 30s

Today I am here to speak on behalf of successful single women in their thirties looking to get married. I know no one has appointed me their spokesperson but I will speak anyway because I know what I am talking about.

There’s nothing as difficult in these times as being in the shoes of a successful single woman hoping to get married. I blame this on whoever empowered the girl child and forgot the boy child. Right now, most ladies in this lot have come out successful and are eating life with a big spoon while the fellows who are supposed to marry them, are still trying to find their bearing.

It has really affected our love lives such that we end up feeling empty even when in serious relationships because of the lack of confidence in men. The men who approach most of these women back off as soon as they realise the women are better off financially. They take off without even giving the relationship a second thought. Many men do this, perhaps because of the fear of what society will think about them.

Let's take a single woman who owns a house and drives a nice car (how I wish I was describing myself here). It becomes difficult for her likes to get genuine partners whom they can fall in love and settle down with. These men you see out here are either afraid to approach such women or approach them with an agenda, to ‘eat’ their money and ‘eat’ it well until they wipe their mouths with serviettes.

So these women have resorted to finding solace among themselves in chamas where they step on these men in their dreams and vent all they can. These men, on the other hand, meet over nyama choma and plot on how they are going to pounce on their next prey and milk their accounts dry.

Anything to do with love in this age bracket is nothing but total chaos! Sometimes I look back and salute my fellows who grabbed and kept their men while still in their 20s. I wonder what goals I had in life back then that blurred my vision from marriage. At least then, I could have been carried easily by words all the way to the altar.

Right now, words don’t move me a single bit, I depend more on actions. These same actions are not what men my age are about to do. They were not empowered together with us as we grew up and so they are just a little behind us. Those who know what actions mean to a woman are all either taken or look and act suspicious.

This has left us with no choice but to become motivational speakers on these streets. Today we talk about love, tomorrow we touch on trust and the day after you will find us swimming in betrayal and the cycle continues.

Meanwhile, we keep going up the financial ladder and scaring away potential suitors as we attract men who graduated with a doctorate in conmanship. You don’t see it coming until you have been left lying flat on your tummy wondering what kind of lightning struck you.

Dear single men hoping to marry (I mean our age group, you could be in your mid or late 30s) stop feeling inferior already. Don’t be afraid to approach the women out here. They need you loyal and in one piece. Confidence is the way to go.

Don’t look at what she owns or where she lives. If you love her, say it and be genuine. If all you want is money, say it so that you can be directed to the source and taught how to fish. Don't just approach them in camouflage so they fail to know whether you are there or not. We know someone back then forgot to empower you. Step up, show up and let’s empower you. It’s never too late, you know.

Just know we love you and care about you. Also keep in mind that we are edgy, especially during this time that people are throwing parties left right and centre. So if you are coming, come, but if you are going, go and go very fast. Don’t dangle left and right before us as though you are waiting for the wind to sway you in a particular direction.

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