Signs your child has not settled in school

Starting nursery or school marks a new and important stage for a child. It means an overwhelming variety of new playthings, new playmates, unfamiliar adults and mysterious new routines. It’s sometimes difficult to tell whether things are going well or whether this new, grown-up life is a struggle for your child.

As a parent, your main concern at this early stage is whether your newly independent child is happy or not. If you start noticing any of the following changes in your child’s behaviour, they may be a sign things may not be going well:

* She’s upset, clingy and cries every day on the way to school and when you try to leave her.

* She’s not enthusiastic about any aspect of school, she never mentions something she particularly likes to do, or asks whether she could do it at home.

* She appears reluctant to leave the house in the morning and starts using delaying tactics.

* She displays disturbed or uncharacteristic behaviour at home, and complains of vague aches and pains that can’t be explained by the doctor.

* She’s not sleeping as well as usual or she’s started wetting the bed.

* She doesn’t seem to have made any friends.

What you can do

If you have noticed a number of these signs, and things don’t seem to be getting any better, there are steps you can take depending on whether your child has started a pre-school, nursery or full-time education.

If she's at nursery school

* Sometimes a child may have so much adult attention and help at home that she has difficulty in adjusting to a busy school routine where she has to fend for herself more.

If this is the case with your child and she hasn’t been used to mixing with other children or being without you, set up an action plan to help her become more confident. Visit friends with children and let them play together without you being there or join a children’s club.

* Encourage her to take on responsibilities at home-like putting away her clean clothes or setting the table-which will foster independence.

If she's in big school If the child has started primary school the issue becomes more complicated. You need to try to get to the heart of the problem.

* Talk to your child. This sounds obvious, but often you need to make time to find out what’s troubling her. It may be something to do with her new school routine. Perhaps she’s anxious about when she’s allowed to go to the toilet, or she feels rushed at mealtimes when she’s a bit more leisurely at home. These sorts of problems usually have a fairly simple, practical solution.

It may be that she’s simply lost faith in her abilities. A move to Class One, for example, means that there may be less free choice and more structured activities. Or, perhaps she’s missing a friend who’s now in a different school.

Occasionally, although it’s usually at this early age, she may be the victim of bullying or, more often, think she’s being left out and therefore feels isolated.

* Talk to her teacher. Arrange a time to come in when you can have a long chat.

The aim of meeting like this is to set up a two-way exchange of information, enlisting the teacher’s support. Bear in mind that your child’s teacher has a picture of her that may not match your own.