I am 28, a university graduate living and working in Nairobi. I have been single for the last two years for reasons I really don't understand. I am tall, dark and ladies say that I am handsome but after several dates they stop picking my calls and the relationships end. This frustrates me because I really try to be nice and do all the things that a man should do but they still don't want to date me. I don't ask for sex so I don't think this could be the reason, I take them out, many times I give them some money but they still end up leaving me. I am starting to wonder what it is that women really want from men and I am ready to give in because I want to settle down in marriage now. Please help me understand what it is they want. For the ladies who will respond, please speak from personal experience. {Jeremiah}
Your Take:
I once went on a date with a guy and had problems with many things. He was rude to the waiters, talked about his ex-girlfriend a lot, and never saw anything good about anything and seemed the type that is intimidated by a woman’s achievements. That was the last time I ever talked to him.
{Nice Wanja}
Be real and stop being Mr. Nice guy. Ladies don’t judge you by how you treat them but by knowing your vision.
{George}
Building a genuine foundation in a relationship is not easy. You should know what you want and have values. May be those ladies you date are not ready for marriage. There is a miss right out there for you.
{Charles Olanya}
Jeremiah what these ladies really need is romance and a real man. Maybe they fear that you are not functioning as a man. Try and prove to them that you are a real man who is on the right track.
{Onyango Outha}
Well, dating and waiting go hand in hand. Either you are giving up easily or you approach the wrong women. It appears though that there are things you do which either annoy or hurt the ladies. Maybe it’s how you talk. I believe it can take some time to meet the woman of your dreams. However, bear in mind that friendship is key, rather than making them feel insecure by prematurely proposing when you could be best friends first.
{Enock Koech}
I once heard someone say that girls love bad boys. There must be some things that the ladies don’t like about you so you must fix them. Ladies do not like a man that clings to them or a man who cannot stand up and say what he wants. Another thing you should be careful about is appearing to be too desperate. You may be doing this by showering them with money and gifts. Be genuine and let the relationships grow.
{Ouma Ragumo}
Confront one of the ladies you have formerly dated and ask to know the things that scared her away from you. You can also turn to God and pray that he gives you a loving and caring wife. Prayer can actually move mountains and you will find a good woman.
{Fred Jausenge}
Counselor’s Take:
Jeremiah, no man truly understands what women want - even Einstein didn’t figure this out otherwise we wouldn’t be having as many problems. However, there are many clues about this and they have somewhat proven to be in the right neighborhood. Most of these revolve around one’s character and personality as well as a few other basic elements.
I picked out a few things that may be leading you on the wrong path which I will share as a starting point.
When dealing with ladies, it is good to have a good attitude but it is more important to have the right attitude. The right attitude is a little different from good attitude. That stuff about being nice and gentlemanly is good but it doesn’t work. If you appear too good to be true and sort of marriage material on first date, ladies freak out and start taking you too seriously.
A little “macho” and do-not-really-care attitude helps to get things going but be careful also in how you handle her, women are wise creatures and good at playing the game as long as moment allows it.
I noted with concern that you don’t ask for sex. You are so good at shooting yourself in the foot! If you don’t seem interested in sex, again they start thinking commitment, celibacy till ring-on-finger, boring relationship and above all weak holier-than-thou-guy.
Sex is extremely essential and the earlier you get it the better – it helps you maintain the initiative (upper hand) in the relationship thereby portraying you as a domineering male – a real turn on for the ladies and a rare quality these days (I am made to understand).
One last piece of advice, drop that talk about wanting a wife and mother to your children – the last thing a beautiful 24-year-old girl in some tight jeans and a spaghetti top wants is to be transformed into the mother of “some guy’s” kids. {Taurus}