I can’t choose between the 2 women.
Dear Coleen,
I’m a 27-year-old fella and cannot make a decision to save my life. The thing is, I love two women.
I’ve had a long-term girlfriend for nearly 10 years, who I love dearly and she’s never let me down. I know she loves me too. We don’t have any kids.
I’m also madly in love with another girl who I’ve known for nearly as long, but we’ve only developed a physical relationship for the last five years on and off. She also has a child from a previous relationship.
I’ve lost count of the times me and this girl have broken it off. Weeks or months can pass when I don’t see her, although I think of her every day. Whenever we meet up again things are fine for a day or so, then she goes cold on me.
I don’t know what I want and I can’t make a decision. I’m afraid to break up my relationship and walk into a new one in case it doesn’t last.
I’m so confused and to make matters worse, my long-term girlfriend hasn’t got a clue about the way I feel.
I would love to be able to just disappear and never come back. I know that I can’t have my cake and eat it, but I am in love with two women (and crazy about one of them).
Please help!
Coleen says.
I think you’ve answered your own question – you can’t have your cake and eat it. If you do, you’ll destroy two girls’ lives.
Ten years is a long time to be with someone and, while you adore and love her, perhaps the excitement has left. You were only 17 when you got together, so while most young guys are playing the field you were in a long-term relationship.
We all have to make important decisions in our lives and accept the consequences and I think this is one of those times for you.
What you have to bear in mind is that the excitement of this other relationship might be because it’s forbidden and she’s unavailable. Would you feel the same if you settled into a proper relationship with her?
And before you jump in and make any important decisions, you have to ask her why she’s going cold. Is it because she panics as she thinks you don’t want a serious relationship or does she have commitment issues, too?
If you do decide to stay with your girlfriend, you have to stop seeing this other girl and work on putting the excitement back in your relationship.
It might be a good idea to be on your own for a while so you’re free to date who you want, then you might gain some perspective.
But you do need to bite the bullet and take some action to change your situation.