Why can't I find satisfaction?

Hi Chris,

I’m very well off, with a good job, a wild social life, lots of internet friends and everything I could need. So why am I always so dissatisfied? What is wrong with me?

Discontented

Chris says,

Hi, Discontented!

It’s possible to be well off and still be unhappy. One reason is that you can be happy and unhappy at the same time. For example, you might be happy about your latest promotion, but afraid you’ll fail.

Another is that ‘having enough’ doesn’t work, because we’re wired to want more. Of course, some things are worth having, such as knowledge or a good relationship. These things bring great satisfaction. But people who only seek fame, wealth or pleasure will never feel satisfied.

Almost everyone secretly wants to be famous, which is why we like to post about ourselves online. But because you and your online friends only post things that make you look good, you spend half your time pretending you’re happier than you are, and the rest envying people who seem happier than you. So we’re all dissatisfied.

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And we’d all like more money. But making wealth your sole focus means you’ll just suffer more anxiety, depression and bad health. We’re also driven to want more sexual partners, but both genders are happiest with just one.

Evolution’s to blame for all that. It’s wired us to always seek more because that increases our chances of having more children. But just because your brain’s built to want more stuff and more sex, doesn’t mean that getting them will make you happier.

So is there any way to be truly content? Yes, there is. It’s to enjoy a simple life and to focus on finding work that you love, good relationships, fulfilling experiences, family and friends. Rather than endlessly buying more possessions.

That’s easier said than done because it takes real willpower to overcome our inbuilt desires for approval, wealth and physical pleasure. But if you do, you’ll be far happier than the online friends we’re all supposed to admire.

All the best,

Chris