Common reasons why people go back to their exes

There is a hard to notice trend in the dating realm, of people going back to relationships they had called off. I observed this last weekend during a college reunion party. Two former classmates, who used to be love birds years ago before going separate ways to start families without each other, arrived hand in hand. While it was evident they were happy with each other, questions arose as to how they could be, since we all knew they had different lives. They happily answered our queries that when the other parties didn’t work out, they ran into each other’s arms and found solace. I didn’t want to believe that after dating separately they chose to ignore what had torn them apart. I decide to find how it was possible and found that while many people chose to move on and forget their pasts, there is a reluctant group of those who choose to relive their past. This arises from varying reasons, including but not limited to:

Comfort zone; trending in unknown grounds is quite a task especially in relationships. A break up means one has to start all over again with someone else, from introductions, to likes and dislikes and such. While this is normal for most people, others fear it is a waste of energy and time and therefore choose to stick around to their initial relationship. These people may choose to keep their initial resource investment which means going back to their ex and trying to work things out.

Possession; while most people get over their exes immediately after a break up, others takes ages and often gets hurt if their exes try moving on with different people. As mean and malicious as it may sound, this type of people will often fight to get back with their exes than watch them have fun with different partners.  

Nostalgia; all relationships have glorious moments that linger long after the breakup. While it is normal to have good memory flashes, it is unhealthy to dwell on them. However, for some people, these memories are a trap that draws them back to the long gone affair. These memories trigger feelings of longing to be with the person who made them happen and it mostly ends up with people reaching out to these exes. Without knowing, or sometimes acting out of ignorance, these people find themselves hooking up with the said exes and the reasons for the breakup are momentarily forgotten.

Shared social circles; when people are in the same social circles with their exes, they tend to meet in many unavoidable circumstances. This in turn means they spend many hours seeing each other and it becomes difficult to break the ties and move on. This social circle thing includes at times the social media platforms where these two people, despite their breakup, are still tied in many ways. They are forced to look at each other’s pictures on a daily basis, hang out at places they used to go while still dating and such. While this may not affect some people, most people will often sweep their differences under the carpet and reconsider their relationship.

The thrill of victory; another reason people end up with their exes is to quench the strong desire to win them over. While this may sound outrageous, it happens when someone is so hurt that they see the breakup as a challenge to see who is stronger between them. The need to prove oneself worthy to the other partner often ends up with hook ups and eventually a repeat of the relationship that is otherwise gone with the wind.

No one else out there; while it is normal for people to step out of one relationship into another, for others there is a difficulty in finding someone else they like. When this happens and one needs so much to be in a relationship, they turn back the way they came and revive what they had called quits. They choose the lowest hanging fruit in the tree which in this case is their beloved ex. This is usually cushioned by the fact that they already know their exes and so it doesn’t take a lot of energy to make it work out.  

Fear of being alone; a breakup means one is left out of the comfort of a relationship. It means that one has to handle issues singlehandedly while they were used to getting help from their partners. The breakup means going to places alone, having meals alone and possibly curling up on the coach to watch a movie alone. When this reality hits some individuals, it scares them and they run back to their exes.

Unfinished business; it is always fun to watch people breakup and in a few days realize they had unfinished business with their partners. This leans a bit of the emotional bit where one needs their relationship to carry on with their daily lives. At other times, when a couple has started an investment together, it is bound to keep them coming back to each other whether for romance or just consultation. Repeated contact, as innocent as it may seem, usually poses a big chance for the relationship to be rekindled.

Desire to change them; unable to find another relationship right away, some people try to figure out what they didn’t like about their exes and plan on how to make them better people. This is an obsession that drives one to think that after a breakup, they can fix it by changing what was wrong in the first place. Although in rare cases this may work, most of the time it fails since for the ex to change, they have to decide it for themselves.

Change in circumstances; some breakups are caused entirely by factors surrounding the couple such as relocation to another country, pursuit of education, career among others. If this happens, the couple may move on but it doesn’t mean they forget the love they left behind. If the circumstances clear in future, these people are bound to retrace their steps and get back together despite a long passage of time.

After learning this, I didn’t judge or wonder why my long time classmates decided to end up in each other’s arms after being separate for years. I understood that it is no longer a must for people to move on, it is alright for one to get into the same relationship over and over for as long as they want.