My husband forced me to have two abortions and wants me to do it again, what do I do?

I have been married for nine years and have a son aged seven. The first four years were okay but, out of nowhere, my husband started accusing me of cheating. I have become pregnant four times but have not delivered a baby since my first one. He has forced me to have abortions twice by claiming that the pregnancies are not his.

Last year, I conceived but had a miscarriage since he put so much pressure on me. I am now pregnant and he still insists that it is not his and that I should abort. I don’t know what to do because on one hand I want to save my marriage but on the other, I don’t want to go through another abortion. Please advise me. {Susan}

Your take

Every marriage is ordained by God Himself... right from creation. Even before a couple weds, the agreement between two conscious people of the opposite sex is endorsed by God. You have strained to please your husband more than you would God.

You are doing things against God’s will to please a man. Abortion is a sin and there is no justification for this in the eyes of the Lord. This man has lost trust in you and, like virginity, it cannot be restored. Focus on doing what God expects of you. Rise up, confess and repent to God and you will renew your fellowship with God.

{Robert Nderitu}

The fact that you agreed to the first two abortions may be proof to your husband that you are actually cheating. I think human life is more important than human relationships. Do the right thing.

{Dickson Aseri}

Your story is not adding up. You talk of nine years in marriage with a seven year old boy. Is this child your husband’s biological child? It seems your husband may be impotent and you are both aware of this. How comes you agree to abort every time he demands it. It could also be true, from your statements, that you cheat on him, perhaps to get a child.

Your husband should also come clear about what makes him think you are unfaithful. Let him really know that you do all this because you love him and that you want to keep your marriage and that you don’t deserve what you are going through. Also make it clear to him that time is going by and you want to increase the size of your family.

{Ouma Ragumo}

The fact you accepted to have these abortions points to the possibility of you being as guilty as charged. How I wish you knew the dangers of abortion to your health! Say NO, NO and NO to this man and if he insists, walk out on him and let him look for another woman. He will kill you eventually if the abortions don’t.

{Tasma Charles}

Counsellor’s take

Susan, this must be very difficult for you but we can try and figure out what is really going on. From your words, I observed a lot of resistance on his part with regard to your getting pregnant. It is indeed common for men to jump the gun when it comes to pregnancy but this usually happens when it comes to girlfriends. Rarely would a man deny a pregnancy with his wife – it just seems unusually strange.

This is indeed unusually strange unless he knows something that you don’t know and that there are things you are also keeping away from us. You see, he seems to be absolutely sure that the pregnancies are not his and this could be a clear indication that they may not be.

There is a growing trend of men who do not want too many responsibilities who go to great lengths to ensure that this does not happen. The first beacon of truth actually lies with you. Is there something about this situation you are not telling us?

Those four pregnancies you talked about; were they without any reasonable doubt his children? On the same note, you did not even remotely deny any of the accusations about those pregnancies not being his. These questions could give some indicators as to why he is acting the way he is.

Your husband could have secretly undergone vasectomy and maybe this is the reason why he is reacting the way he is. It is a highly unlikely occurrence for a man to deny four pregnancies belonging to his wife unless there is more than meets the eye.

If you have a clean bill of health on the issues I raised above then the other beacon of truth lies in his hands. He seems rather too certain that the pregnancies are not his and as such he could be having some information that you may not be privy to. You may have walked yourself into a trap – several times without any indication that you were being trapped.

If the pregnancies are truly his, it may be important to understand why is very much against children. If his fears are based on unfounded insecurities then you need to work extra hard to reassure him that everything is ok. Sometimes all people need is just some little assurance to put the soul at rest.

{Simon}