He cheated on me with my sister

Dear Coleen

I have known my boyfriend for eight years now and he’s a really wonderful guy. However, two years ago I discovered he’d cheated on me with my younger sister.

I suppose you’d say they ‘made out’, but they didn’t have sex. I confronted him and he told me the truth.

We separated over this for two years and, although I managed to get along with my sister okay, I couldn’t bear to see him. The whole thing made me ill because I still loved him.

He accepted full responsibility and even apologised to my mum.

He’s cried over what happened and said sorry more times than I can count. The upshot is, we reconciled and we plan to marry after he graduates from university.

I know he loves me and I love him, too, but it’s hard for me to forget what he did because he did it with my sister – my own flesh and blood, and someone I have to see all the time! I’d love your advice.

Coleen says

It doesn’t sound to me as if you can get over it. Even if your head is telling you he’s sorry and would never do anything like that again, it’s about how you feel.

And how will you feel when you see him talking to your sister or you walk out of a room and leave them together?

He does sound very sorry and is making every effort to make things right and prove to you that you can trust him.

But when it’s family, you have to accept that you will be forced together, so you have to think very carefully about whether you can handle that.

I think you should tell him you love him and that you want it to work out, but that you can’t make any promises right now because you don’t know how you’ll feel six months or a year from now.

If he’s prepared to accept that, then see how it goes. I certainly wouldn’t jump into marriage if you still have doubts.