Why men dread going for shopping with their women

First, let’s perish the thought that men ‘shop’ per se. Actually, men just ‘buy’. Shopping is a preserve of women, or so it seems. Look, ordinarily, if men must go shopping, they treat it as a mission — which they execute with surgical precision and decisiveness. When a man walks into a shopping centre, he knows exactly what he wants to buy; he goes for the targeted good (or service), grabs it, pays, and ‘flees’ the shop (as if it were a crime scene!). If anything, impulse buying is alien vocabulary to many.

On the other hand, women’s love and passion for shopping is legendary. To most, shopping is an experience. It’s an event. And even a hobby; a passtime activity they engage in just for fun or to, errm, release stress! In fact, just so you know, the genius who coined the phrase, “Shop till you drop” did so in memory of a woman who shopped for so long and, besides deadly exhaustion, suffered a massive heart attack, collapsed and died after she saw her huge bill!

Pure torture

Look, women can spend a whole day shopping (Some, once they’ve bought an item, can even hang around, just to see who else will buy the same!). Little wonder then, that the Emelda Marcos’s of this world, for instance, own thousands of pairs of shoes! And collect bale upon bale of clothes — some of which, of course, they don’t use because they no longer fit well or are out of fashion.

The last time George Mukolwe accompanied his woman for shopping, he experienced pure torture. He says her indecisiveness drove him up the wall, and vowed to never ever tag along when she is going for shopping.

Time-wasting indecisiveness

“We left the house with one mission; to buy a dress. My friend, we spent the better part of the day moving from shop to shop and back and forth. She ‘wasted’ hours deciding the colours, comparing prices, fabric type and whatnot. We went to a couple of shops before she dragged me back where we began, after she had, presumably, made up her mind!” He adds that whenever he frowned at her indecisiveness, she would get irritated, engage in uncalled for hair-fluffing before changing the topic — to a none issues like the weather!

Just like gossip, there are items women just can’t resist. For instance, clothes, shoes, handbags, perfume and related accessories. Even after buying, it’s common to see a woman still going round checking the same in other shops, just to compare prices and design variants and to see whether she was conned or got a worthwhile bargain. Imagine!

Russian-roulette questions

Woe unto you if she happens to be the type that likes playing mind games. Such characters are in the habit of asking their men Russian-roulette questions that would land one in a lot trouble. “Babe, does this dress make me look fat?” she would tempt you. She knows she is fat, but expects the dress to make her look skinnier. Oh, please. How now?! Come on girls.

At times, she will push the joke further. And if you are not diplomatic with your answer, things will go terribly wrong. Look, she knows exactly what she wants, but will ask you, “Sweety, which of these two dresses is the best on me?” As a man, most of the time, avoid answering this trick question. Reason? Half the time, it’s asked just to determine whether you ‘know her well’. I mean, her girlfriends know her favourite colours, tastes and preferences, so do her gay friends. So who are you to claim to be her boyfriend, yet you are clueless? Very intelligent creatures, these women.

Alternatively, she might ask for your opinion, which she won’t care much about anyway because she already made up her mind, after all.

Hours spent trying on clothes

“When I have the misfortune of getting dragged along during shopping, I see hell. When she disappears into the changing room, I always sit pretty and engage myself by reading a newspaper because I won’t be seeing her for the next half an hour or so. Never mind she ducked into that place with only two outfits to try on. Whatever she does in that room only God knows. At times, I sit there, meditating about life...and thinking about God and why he only makes bad things to happen to me,” jokes Mike Odhiambo.

Odhiambo goes on to give an anecdote which he says he will never forget. His wife spent hours trying on two dresses. Interestingly, she emerged with her face contorted like a puff udder rearing to strike, disgustingly clicked and hissed, “None of them fits well!”

“Eish! You are kidding me! So you are not buying any of them?” He exclaimed. “Yes! Twende (Let’s go)!” She shot back. Despite having sent him into paroxysms of rage by wasting his time, he found it so hilarious that he couldn’t hold back his laughter. Of course, it did not end well. She didn’t talk to him for two days.

Impulse buying despite shopping list

Githinji Mwaura says he once had a girlfriend who would write a long shopping list, but never stuck to it. She always ended up impulse-buying, of course at his expense. Which begs the question, could men’s fear for shopping with women stem from the fact that they end up spending more money than they had planned for?

“For some strange reason, women always want to spend men’s money. They think men have a lot of money which they must share with them. Despite, her social class or however rich she may be, a woman always get her man to spend money on her. Contrary to popular belief, some of us men really like shopping, but hate to do so with women,” says Githinji, unsuccessfully suppressing a chuckle.

Search possible combinations

He proceeds to add, “Even in a story that has become the talk of town, in which a woman reportedly bought her man a Sh10 million-car, I swear that man must have spent over Sh50 million in presents for her before that. Of course, that never made it to the news, but the woman’s ‘small’ gesture did because she did it with razzmatazz, complete with media coverage.”

A defensive Mercy Mueni, a self-confessed city shopaholic, argues that women are decisive even when shopping for items such as clothes. And it’s just that, unlike men, they have many varying options fashion and style-wise.

“For us (women), unlike guys, whose styles and fashion are very limited, we not only have to sample but try on so many clothes, shoes etc. Remember we also have to figure out the possible combinations of various accessories,” argues Mueni.

Rachel Mimo, a city-based air hostess, says shopping is not just the preserve of women. “There are men who are also suckers for shopping. It all depends on the item being bought. When shopping for tools, for example, men take forever. Assuming you are a woman and you accompany a man to a show room, an electronics shop or at a hardware store, you will be pissed off, too. A man can stare at a spanner or a screw driver as if it were some ‘hot’ woman,” Mimo says.

Hate shopping with men

“My boyfriend likes books so much. He can spend hours in book stores. When shopping, he can read a whole book at a bookshop counter. He becomes all giggly, chuckling whilst rubbing hands in glee, as you seethe with anger,” she adds.

Echoing her sentiments is one Justus Musau who says he likes shopping with women, especially if it’s a date. He says the reason he enjoys it is that half the time he will be ogling and scrutinising the woman and appreciating her beauty.

“It’s a lot of fun, especially if you’ve just began dating. When shopping, particularly for clothes, you get to appreciate her beauty and curves each time she tries on a different outfit. You get away with asking her to turn around, without coming off as a naughty fellow,” jokes Musau, adding that it’s through such experiences you get to know her tastes, preferences and gift ideas.

Men like being the leader

Goro Mutahi, a social scientist, says that part of the reason why men fume at the idea of going shopping with their women is because they like dominating and hate being led.

“Men always want to lead. Shopping tends to be a ‘woman thing’, and when at it, they tend to take full control. But it’s great shopping with women because you won’t waste time asking attendants for this or that. Women know malls, supermarkets inside out; they know what’s tucked in this or that obscure corner.

Men hate it when they have to push loaded trolleys and follow their women around. At times back and forth. Again, there are more females in these places and women tend to feel at home as men feel ‘odd’,” he concludes. Ladies, there you have it; stop nagging men to accompany you when going shopping.