The other woman won't make me leave

Someone tell our husbands that they are fighting a battle they have already lost. We are going nowhere, we are here to stay! Even if our folks call them Boko Haram because they have not paid a single cent to our parents, even if we do not have any certificate to prove we are married, even if they are with us for the sake of that child we conceived to help them decide whether to marry us or not, we are holding on.

Our husbands have decided to be unhappily married and are seeking solace from the other woman. They have made it clear to the other woman that our bedroom is hell’s reception. We just realised the other day that they told the other woman that they are with us only because of the children we have together. They do not call us anymore to tell us that they love us in the course of the day. When they get home every evening, the length of their lips explains it all — pack up and go I’m too tired to see you. We don’t care how long you pull your lips, we are not packing our bags any time soon.

We thought Facebook was a home wrecker until Whatsapp came! When we wake up in the morning, we realise you were last online at 3am yet you left your phone charging in the living room! We are not going to ask who you were chatting with at that time because we know the answer already! Your Facebook’s relationship status reads ‘widowed’, ahem! Even if you kill us on Facebook, we are alive and kicking in the cemetery you call a house! You do what you do out there, after all, you are the ones who chose to live with dead women over all those living ones you run around with.

So now you think if you keep spending the nights out, we will pack and leave? Bwana, think again, you will continue paying the bills in our homes because we are dead! Dead women don’t pay bills, dead women don’t pack and leave, dead women prefer a stupid and stubborn husband over no husband at all. You can impregnate all other women out there, just make sure you don’t leave us out in the list of those getting pregnant since you are with us only because of the children. By the way, if that’s the reason you are with us, what happens to those other women you impregnate? Don’t you want to be with them too because of the children you sired?

The World Cup is around the corner, we know you are not football fans, we know you are one of those who will shout ‘We won! We won’ when it’s only halftime. We know you will take the chance to spend nights with the other woman in the name of watching football. We are prepared for those nights, we will not leave! It’s only a month after all, you can be the drama kings you want to be, you can stray the much you want to stray, just keep in mind we are not leaving. The earlier you get that into you your roaming brains the better!

While you are away, just make sure you tell the other women to at least come visit us in our cemetery.  We will not mind flowers, roses to be precise.

It’s good to know the kind of horses that are busy in the track racing yet we are at the finish line holding the ribbon! With us at the finish line, there is no silver, gold or bronze, a gubernatorial slap awaits them here! Photo: madamenoire.com