Colouring women bad will not make the man better

Someone noticed that ladies make up the majority at Kikuyu music concerts. Where are the men? People tried to answer this question that men have become wiser, hence avoiding the trap of picking up ladies’ tabs. I did not agree with this. They could be broke; they don’t have the money, so wisdom doesn’t apply.

Ladies have become courageous. The assured support from home, relatively stable jobs and safer environments just add to it. Hail a cab app means that the taxi driver is known and a friend can call the cab and track it dropping a lady home. Any slight deviation leads to red flag calls. This has made ladies comfortable going out on their own without men.

On the support from parents, between a son and a daughter, parents, especially fathers, will always support daughters well into adulthood. They can even drive to the airport in their old age to pick up their little, adult and married girls. The sons will be left to find their way home. This knowledge gives the ladies from stable homes the confidence that they can spend their money on themselves because Dad will come through when called upon. Definitely, fathers don’t want their daughters falling for the wrong men just for their upkeep. Sons can learn how men navigate life.

The wisdom men have acquired that I have mentioned above is attributed to the rise of the manosphere gospel. A lot of content online, as well as books, focuses on evaluating the “frame” of masculinity. This was in response to the rise of the “toxic masculinity” tag on men deemed traditional and conservative.

The irony is, as they push men to find and redefine themselves, there is an overt and covert attack on women. The line is that the modern woman has gone wild and is out to manipulate men. Men are being advised to avoid women and avoid sacrificing for women by elevating their needs above everything else.

There is nothing wrong with women. The animal instincts, which every human has, bend towards self-preservation. Nothing wrong if women conjure up ways to self-preserve. The challenge comes because their love and affection are necessary external validation for men. They are very necessary and vital for our well-being.

The wisdom that if there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm reminds us that women are not the problem. The problem and solution lie in men because we have not adapted to the reality that the women of our mothers and grandmothers’ generation are extinct. We must adapt to the modern man without compromising who we are.

Women are generally negatively oriented psychologically in their dealings with men, especially in the romantic front. That is the reason they developed that “sixth sense” that makes them intuitive. They have always remained holding the shorter end of the stick when things go south in marriages and relationships. We made the environment hostile, and they just adapted. A man is not always good enough until proven otherwise.

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This is the reason why women are hypergamous by nature; they will always look to mate upwards. Wealth here is used as a marker of competence, which is why, at a younger age, ladies see competence in men as an indicator of future wealth. If you want to know how well you are doing as a man, listen to women. They are the outsiders, one marketing guru said, you need to always listen to expand your brand’s market.

Nature and human socialisation make women self-conscious. Ladies, from an early age, care about how they appear and how people view them. Men catch up with this much later. Because they are competing for a small group at the top of the male hierarchy, women have to be at their best to attract these high-value men. Men have a wide choice to pick from.

Successful women are neutralising this by spreading the “marriage is not an achievement” and “ndoa inafrurahisha mafala” gospel. The aim is to cut down the desire in women to entice and attract the high-value men whose pool is forever diminishing because more and more women are taking up their spaces.

That is why I find the attack on women misplaced. They are covering their bases silently. The “spent cartridges”, “too old to be girls”, “post wall”, and other labels we put on women are unwarranted. We can define our identity and play the game in such a way that women will adapt. Social and economic structures began to rig the game against us way back. We did not realise, until it was a second too late. We will not recover lost ground through negativity and noise, but silent strategy.

Men should not be the monkey who said the fruit is bitter just because he couldn’t reach the branch to pick it. The onus is on fathers and men in general. Our fathers have propped up the daughters without pushing sons up a rung. Men must look inwards; that is where the problem lies and where the solution is.