Self-sabotage in dating: Are you blocking your own happiness?

Ever wondered why you always fall for someone emotionally unavailable? Or why you overthink every text message until you’re convinced the relationship is doomed?

Welcome to the frustrating world of dating self-sabotage, where we unconsciously create obstacles in the very relationships we want to succeed.

So why do we self-sabotage? Often it’s fear masquerading as protection. Let’s look at how it manifests in dating and, more importantly, how you can stop it from ruining your chances at love.

Choosing emotionally unavailable partners

If you keep choosing emotionally unavailable people, it’s not just bad luck. This self-sabotaging habit protects you from vulnerability. By dating someone who can’t fully commit, you’re saving yourself from potential heartbreak. If they never really open up, you can’t get hurt, right?

But here’s the rub: you’ll be stuck in a cycle of unfulfilling relationships. Sure, it’s less risky, but it’s also less rewarding. You deserve someone available and invested, not a marathon runner who never enters the race.

Break the pattern: Start by recognising your value. Look for partners who are emotionally available and willing to commit. It may feel scarier, but the reward - a real, fulfilling relationship - is worth it.

Overthinking: Making mountains out of molehills

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Who hasn’t spent hours dissecting a simple text message? “Why did they just say ‘K’? Are they mad at me? Are we breaking up?” Overthinking turns small things into relationship-ending disasters, creating distance and tension where there was none.

Over-analysis doesn’t fix anything; it just prevents you from enjoying the moment. Instead of focusing on what’s going right, you’re stuck imagining everything that could go wrong.

Break the pattern: When your mind starts to spiral, stop and ask yourself, “Is this fear or reality?” Don’t let your thoughts sabotage a good thing. Approach dating with curiosity, not suspicion - your mental energy is better spent enjoying the relationship, not dissecting it.

Avoiding vulnerability

Fear of vulnerability is the silent killer of many relationships. When you’re afraid to show your true self, you end up building walls so high that even the best partner can’t climb them. Keeping your guard up may protect you from rejection, but it also blocks you from the intimacy you crave.

Without vulnerability, you can’t make a real connection. It’s like showing up to a game but refusing to play - how do you expect to win?

Break the pattern: Start small. Share your thoughts, feelings and concerns. Letting someone see the real you is scary, but it’s also the key to deepening your relationship. Vulnerability invites connection, and that’s what dating is all about.

Recognise and act

The first step to ending self-sabotage is to recognise the patterns: dating unavailable people, overthinking and avoiding vulnerability. Once you recognise these behaviours, you can take action to stop them.

The next time you feel yourself falling into a self-sabotaging habit, ask yourself, “Am I getting in my way? If the answer is yes, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you deserve happiness. Don’t be your own worst enemy!

Life is too short to block your path to love. Wouldn’t you agree?