I am afraid my marriage will not work

Hi Chris,

I am at that age when all my friends are getting married. And I am thinking about marriage too, of course, but frankly, a lot of their relationships already look flaky. How can I do a better job than they have?

Marrying Well

Chris says,

Hi, Marrying Well!

Well, the first thing is not to get married too soon! Date by all means. Have lots of fun. But do not think about marriage until you have become fully independent and developed a good and mature relationship with your parents.

That may sound trite, but we have all seen how couples struggle when it has not happened. Because for a marriage to succeed, a couple must place each other's feelings above all others. Which means a different relationship with your childhood family.

It is also important to know yourself. Most of us never do, we just accept the things that happen to us and never ask why. You need to understand why you behave the way you do, especially when you are stressed.

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Your principles and beliefs. Why do you feel the way you do about stuff? Your preferences and interests. Your spirituality. What makes you angry, sad or happy? What motivates you? Your expectations and beliefs about marriage.

Knowing yourself also means understanding your goals and purpose in life. And what to look for in a partner! Because it is important to search for someone with similar values and interests to you.

Men and women whose backgrounds, attitudes, principles and beliefs match are much more likely to be successful together.

And what should you do once you have found your love? Well, above all be committed to one another. Make your husband the most important thing in your life, even more than your children when they come along. And make sure your husband puts you above all his friends and work.

Both of you share a deep feeling that come what may you will always be together. Open and trusting. Never lie to one another. Each of your self-images develops so that they encompasses the other. Single people can be totally self-focused. But to be a successful couple you need to see yourselves in terms of your relationship, with shared ambitions and dreams.

And never neglect each other's physical needs, through all of life's disappointments and frustrations. Then whether you are rich or poor, you will have a deep feeling of contentment and will never part.

All the best,

Chris