Loving with the end in mind

It is funny how at the beginning of a relationship we never really fathom the ending. We enter all ventures in life with the end in mind. When we start school, we envision the end with a degree or diploma in mind. However, our perception of love is purely delusional, once we fall in love, we tuck our brains away and lie to ourselves that the fire will burn forever.

We rarely pay attention to the preacher's sentiments about death doing us apart because our focus is on the present and on the fulfilment of our dreams and ambitions. Because we fail to envision the end, we rarely do anything to prepare for it or put measures in place to combat it. We are not to find out what our partners detest the most and things that may erode their love for us. We dwell on the passion and fun side of love and are found unprepared when familiarity in relationships set in.

We realise we have little to anchor our relationships when the flames in our loins have burnt out and we are faced with the realities of sharing spaces with people who may have been raised differently from us. While we take time to study our friends and learn what irks them, we sometimes fail to apply the same with our loved ones. We feel entitled to their love and may not compromise for them the way we do with our family and friends. The walls of love start cracking and before we notice it there's a huge leak that becomes difficult to fix.

Sometimes the only string that anchors marriage is the children or a shared mortgage. Partners troop home at the end of the day because they have a shared responsibility that they must fulfil. Living together becomes the only option because constrained finances cannot allow either of the partners to move out and rent another place.

Love dies but the shell that housed it remains in the form of a family. The marriage bed grows cold as each partner secretly finds warmth elsewhere. Love has ended and we were not ready for it. Envisioning the end of love helps one to prepare for eventualities. For some the end may be the death of a partner yet for others the end may be a fallout in the relationship. You should never be found unprepared for either. Enter a relationship with the knowledge that anything can happen, while it is ok to give your best in a relationship, find ways of developing yourself as a person so that you are not found wanting when the relationship wanes away.

While you enjoy leaning on your partner for emotional and financial support, ensure you can stand on your two feet when push comes to shove. Never be the person that stays in a relationship because of convenience. Insurance can be good security in cases where one spouse passes away. Ego and insolence have no place in relationships.