Introducing your significant other to the family

Alice Githinji* and her boyfriend of a year, Timothy Mutua*, have been wrapped up in their bubble of love all through 2022. As they navigate the honeymoon stage of their courtship, they are faced with the oncoming holidays.

While they are admittedly in love and looking to make things official, both must decide whether they will bring their partner home to meet the folks for the holidays.

"My parents have heard about him, but bringing Timothy home for Christmas dinner - where my parents, siblings, their husbands and wives will be too feels like a huge step," Alice says.

Timothy usually spends the holidays with his family, but feels this is the right time for them to meet the woman who has been in his life.

"It is a known thing, in our country. Even my brothers have brought home their significant others during Christmas celebrations. Maybe people make that move over the holidays because the whole family is in good spirits and therefore welcoming and warm towards new additions to the family," Rocky Omondi, a 34-year-old who is in a long-term relationship, tells The Saturday Standard.

Introductions aside, there is the matter of family traditions that come into play during the holiday season. Should you bring your partner in to join your family traditions? And if you do not, could this hurt your significant other and spell doom for your relationship?

A 2019 feature by The Atlantic explores when your significant other becomes a part of the family, and it could be well before you are married if the holidays accelerate that bonding process.

"It is a truism among therapists that relationship issues like these - norms around when a significant other will be welcomed into a family, or at what point partners will be expected to prioritise each other's families alongside or ahead of their own - keep their offices bustling throughout the entire holiday season," The Atlantic reports on the piece, When Does a Boyfriend or Girlfriend Become Part of the Family?

The report notes any tensions that may arise between families and significant others may come from differing thoughts on relationships.

"Advice columns and online message boards, too, fill up with synopses of similar family-versus-partner sagas during the months in which family celebrations and traditions dictate behaviours," The Atlantic reports.

"Underneath the angst, however, lies a uniquely modern phenomenon: delayed marriage, as well as widespread acceptance of sex, cohabitation, and parenting outside of marriage, have all played a role in making the boundary between 'part of the family' and 'outsider' unclear."

Bringing your partner home for the holidays can be nerve-wracking. On one hand, you want your family to love and accept your significant other, and on the other, you want to see your partner being at their best making a good impression.

A curious lovebird posed this issue in a Question and Answer piece published on Bustle, a lifestyle website.

"I am not sure if they are going to get along, so I am stressed out about how this whole thing is going to go down. I am also worried that any negative ways my family reacts will impact my perception of him," said the Bustle reader.

The report explored ways to make the process of introducing your partner as smooth as possible, offering tips like speaking to your partner about your family dynamics and telling your family about your partner.

"Even if you do not have any specific concerns about your boyfriend's behaviour, it is good to prepare him beforehand. Let him know what he is getting into," Bustle advises.

It adds: "Talk to him about what your relationship with your family is like. Tell him if there are certain topics he should avoid talking about, like Donald Trump or the fact that you just quit your job. A little preparation goes a long way."

The piece notes that bringing our lover home is a test for your relationship and could be a stressful experience.

Stylecaster, a New York-based lifestyle website offers advice similar to that of Bustle, highlighting that one should open up to both parties ahead of the introduction. It adds to the list of tips that you should be clear about the relationship status, make sure you are ready and bring gifts.

"Give your parents and siblings (or whoever your S.O. will be meeting) the basics before they meet your partner, and vice versa - if you have not done so already. This way, family members will be less tempted to interrogate her or him during the visit," Stylecaster reports.

The report adds that as a couple, you should follow and respect the house rules of the home you are visiting and avoid "thorny topics."

On Quora, a Question and Answer forum, the debate on whether this is the right time to make those introductions are relentless.

Some questions posed on the forum include: When is it time to spend Christmas with your boyfriend/girlfriend's family? Is it okay to feel sad that my boyfriend is going to spend his Christmas with his family, and Thanksgiving without me again? We have been together for over a year and live together.

From a mental wellness point of view, the health website Psychology Today offers some dos and don'ts. The don'ts include avoiding over-indulgence in alcohol during family celebrations and not overdoing the PDA (public display of affection).

"The holidays can be a wonderful time to introduce a partner to friends and family whom you may not see often. Holidays present the opportunity to create new traditions that could last for years to come," Psychology Today reports.

It adds: "Remember that communication around expectations with your partner, along with clear communication with your hosts and family members will help ensure a memorable and fun holiday season for you and your loved one."