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Hi Chris,
I’d love to get married, but all I’ve managed so far is to have a couple of long, and, admittedly, initially very happy relationships that never get anywhere near the altar. So before I do that again, how can I tell whether a man will commit, before I start wasting too much time on him?
They Never Commit
Chris says,
Hi They Never Commit!
Well, to start with, he needs to be the right age! First time guys only seriously think about marriage for a few years, starting around two or three years after their career really starts motoring. Say, depending on his education, around his late 20s or early 30s. And if he hasn’t married by his late 30s, he’s well on his way to becoming a permanent bachelor.
Men who’ve been married before are quite different. They’ll happily get married at any age. It’s also worth figuring out a new guy’s friends and siblings. If none of them are happily married, he’s not likely to propose. Even worse are men who’re still living with their parents!
A guy who’s ready to commit will also start being open and honest with you very early on. So you won’t catch him lying, or realise there are things he never seems to tell you.
A keeper will be nice to your family. He’ll choose spending time with you over his friends, be trustworthy, hardworking, and have goals in life you can identify with.
He’ll also be comfortable with the other women in his life, especially his mother and any exes. But be wary of any guy whose mother’s opinion means more than yours. You have to come first.
If he has children from a previous relationship, make sure he’s looking after them and sees them regularly. There shouldn’t be any signs that he spreads his seed around and then moves on.
He’s endlessly out late? Drinking heavily? Still feels it’s OK to chat up other women? Let him go.
And things should move along if there’s going to be a wedding. Because the chances of a proposal start to decline really quickly after you’ve dated for more than two years.
So you should let him know that you want to get married towards the end of your first year together. Because very few men make a proposal unless they know that’s what their girlfriend wants! He might react badly at first, but gradually he’ll come round. So give him a little time to get used to the idea, and pretty soon things will start moving.
All the best,
Chris
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