Opposites attract? Making peace when your differences creep up in your marriage

You have nothing in common with Carol. Except may be her lukewarm support for Arsenal. When you were dating, she would join you for a match in your club or a night out, but you have since learnt, it was a strategy to hook you in. She has confessed as much.  The things we do to stay in a relationship!

Besides that, you and Carol are as different from each other as pepper is from chocolate. She is an introvert, you are extroverted. She watches more series than anyone else you know, and you don’t watch as much, instead you read. She hates books with a passion. She doesn’t like going out, but you like clubbing.

She got saved to a charismatic preacher and goes to church religiously. You rarely go to church, except for the odd Christmas or thanksgiving. She has been pressing you to join her in her new-found church but the pastor is such a phony and sketchy character.

Even in music tastes, you are two worlds apart and riding in the same car can be a tad vexing. She only listens to Capiroo FM and you are always tuned to Radio Maisha. She thinks your choice of music is crass. The feeling is mutual, but you won’t tell her.

“Do you ever realise that the only thing we have in common is the bed, and the yet to be born child,” Carol asked you recently.

You didn’t quite understand her charge until she listed your differences, and concluded her rant wondering, “How we have been together for two years”.

You hardly think of these things. Men rarely do.

“This is how marriages become so boring, and people drift off…” Carol went on.

“Is that what your pastor said?” You ask her, genuine in your intentions.

“Umeanza!

She no longer tolerates any talk about her preacher. She knows you hold the preacher in great disdain, and does not take it kindly.

“You never want to talk about stuff. You like keeping it to yourself. I don’t even know what you think?”

This was a piece of news. If ever there was a closed book in your life, then Carol is. You can live with her for 100 years and you will never know who she is.

So, you tell her there is nothing that can be done, but just get along, peace in marriage is what matters.

“No. We should go and eat together, we should do more vacations as in do fun activities together! We can’t be boring like our parents.”

In a way she makes sense. But what she suggests sounds like something you have to act, make believe that you are having fun, when you prefer something more spontaneous. But you will try it her way and see if it works!

 @nyanchwani

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