Should you send nudes? The trust, risks, and intimacy behind sharing explicit photos

As a heterosexual Kenyan woman, attracted to, dating, and having sex with men, the idea of sending intimate photos to a romantic partner has always seemed foreign, perhaps even taboo to a 24-year-old Anyango.

Today she finds herself in a long-distance relationship, exchanging naughty photos at least once every two days, sometimes even twice a day — especially on those lunch break work afternoons.

With her relationship largely confined to the unimaginatively designed interface of WhatsApp and Telegram for 75 per cent of the time, sending “nudes” isn’t just an option for two people who completely trust each other and have very high libidos. It’s become a necessity, living somewhere between the first and second levels of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

In the digital age, where smartphones are present and intimate connections are often forged through screens, the practice of sending nude photos has become increasingly common.But what drives this behaviour, and what are its implications?

Dr Joachim Osur, a Professor of Sexual and Reproductive Health, sheds light on the fundamental aspects of human intimacy that contribute to this trend.

“When people talk about intimacy, they mostly think of sex,” he explains. “But intimacy and sex are about pleasure, and people can get pleasure by seeing, hearing, touching, and feeling. Part of sex is actually what you see.”

This visual component of sexual pleasure plays a crucial role in understanding why people send nude photos.

Dr Osur emphasises that men, in particular, are highly visual beings. “When they see pictures of their naked intimate partner, they feel good,” he notes.

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This aligns with evolutionary psychology theories suggesting that visual stimuli play a more significant role in male sexual arousal compared to females.

A 2019 study published in the Journal of Sex Research identified several key reasons: Flirtation and sexual attraction, Securing attention or affirmation, Maintaining intimacy in long-distance relationships, Sexual experimentation and exploration, Responding to pressure or coercionDr Catherine Githaka, a relationship expert, notes, “For many individuals, sharing nude photos is a form of sexual self-expression and a way to feel desirable. It can boost self-esteem and foster a sense of connection with a partner.”

However, the psychology behind sending nudes is not always positive. Dr Osur cautions,

“There’s a thin line between love and hate. That vulnerability can be betrayed.”

This potential for betrayal introduces an element of risk that contributes to the complex emotions surrounding the practice.

Interestingly, the prevalence of sending nudes varies across generations. A 2023 survey by the Pew Research Centre found that: 48 per cent of Gen Z adults (ages 18-26) have sent a nude or sexually explicit photos, 37 per cent of Millennials (ages 27-42) have engaged in this behavior, 21 per cent of Gen X (ages 43-58) reported sending nudes and only seven per cent of Baby Boomers (ages 59-77) have sent such photos.

These statistics highlight a clear generational divide, with younger adults more likely to engage in sharing intimate photos.

“Growing up in a digital world, Gen Z and Millennials often view nude sharing as a normal part of modern dating and relationships,” Dr Githaka says.

The dynamics of sending and receiving nudes differ significantly between genders. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour in 2022 found that 73 per cent of women reported receiving unsolicited nude photos from men.

Only 11 per cent of men reported receiving unsolicited nudes from women, 82 per cent of women viewed unsolicited nude photos negatively while 51 per cent of men viewed unsolicited nude photos positively.

These findings underscore a stark contrast in how men and women perceive and experience nude photo exchanges.

Dr Osur notes, “When a guy sends a dick pic, many women feel disgusted by it. They prefer seeing them in person. But men often appreciate seeing a woman’s body parts in photos.”

This discrepancy extends to the types of photos shared. Women are more likely to send partial nudes, focusing on breasts or buttocks, while men tend to send full-frontal or genital-focused images.

“This difference may reflect societal beauty standards and the objectification of female bodies, as well as differing sexual arousal patterns between genders,” Dr Githaka explains.

While nude sharing can be a consensual and positive experience, it also has a dark underbelly. Revenge porn – the non-consensual sharing of intimate images – has become a significant concern.

The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative reports that one in 12 adults have been victims of revenge porn or threats to share their intimate images.

The sexologist warns, “People have committed suicide because their images were shared. When everyone knows the most private part of your body, how do you walk in public again?”

The psychological impact of such betrayals can be devastating and long-lasting.

Moreover, the pressure to send nudes, especially on young women, is a growing issue.

A 2022 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that 40 per cent of teenage girls reported being pressured to send nude photos.

The decision to send nude photos often comes with a mix of excitement and anxiety. Billy, a 34-year-old millennial, says, “I’ve asked for and sent nudes, but I’ve never really seen the need if we’re together.”

Hillary, a 23 year old Gen Z, admits, “I’ve sent a few obscene photos willingly, but I wasn’t fully nude.”

The potential for regret looms large. A study in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that 15 per cent of teens who sent nudes reported feeling regret afterward.

Dr Osur emphasises the importance of trust and boundaries.

“Before you start sharing your photos and being too vulnerable to people, be very sure they are the right people to go that far with.”

The digital nature of nude photos introduces significant privacy risks. Once an image is sent, the sender loses control over its distribution. Dr Osur advises, “It’s important to talk about these things openly. If I ever share my nudes, what are our boundaries? Who is supposed to see?”

Legal considerations also come into play. Many jurisdictions have laws against revenge porn and the non-consensual sharing of intimate images.

For instance, Kenya’s Computer Misuse and Cybercrimes Act criminalise the act of wrongful distribution of obscene or intimate images under Section 37.

“Section 37 of the Act states that a person who transfers, publishes, or disseminates, including making a digital depiction available for distribution or downloading through a telecommunications network or through any other means of transferring data to a computer, the intimate or obscene image of another person,’’reads the Act.

The Act further states that if one commits an offence and is liable, on conviction to a fine not exceeding Sh200,000 or imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years, or to both. 

However, enforcement can be challenging, and the damage is often done before legal action can be taken.

Caro, a 28-year-old millennial says, “I’ve never felt obligated to send nudes because he never asked, and I’ve never been intrigued to send them. Once you send your nudes, third-party security is never guaranteed. For security, safety, and privacy purposes, I choose not to engage in this practice.”

Despite the risks, many couples find that sharing intimate photos enhances their relationship.

“It fulfills the intimacy gap that is created by distance. Even if you’re in Nairobi in different houses and can’t see or touch each other, there’s a gap that images fill,” Dr Osur explains.

For long-distance couples, in particular, nude sharing can maintain sexual connection and emotional intimacy.

A 2021 study in the Journal of Sex  and Marital Therapy found that couples who engaged in sexting (including nude photo sharing) reported higher relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction compared to those who did not.

Ian, a 42-year-old GenX, says, “Sometimes it’s just a sign of mutual trust. When you send me yours, it’s because you know I won’t hurt your feelings. But you can’t just share with anybody. It’s very intimate.”

Marie, a 23-year-old, has never sent anyone her own nudes, she says.

“Lately, I find myself asking guys for theirs, and they usually comply.”

Her approach takes an unexpected turn: “I actually source images online and send those instead. It’s astonishing how often men can’t tell the difference, even if they’ve seen the real thing.”

Interestingly, Marie says, “I find myself more attracted to men who don’t ask for nudes. It’s refreshing and shows a different kind of respect.”