Girl, some wars are not worth fighting

Fellow human beings, we have talked about domestic violence many times but it doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves, right? In the three decades that I have graced this earth, I have come to realise we don’t necessarily have to fight all the wars that come our way. It’s OK to walk away or act a fool in some instances.

Still, I have never really understood why some women imagine that we have just about the same physical strength as men. For those who believe in the Bible, there is a reason God made man the head of the family. Those people have some extra strength that if coupled with rage, they can hit harder than a saloon car. Let me share a tip. If you are in an argument with your man and it looks like it will escalate from words to actions, walk away -- better safe than sorry. If you are not in a position to walk away, at least reduce the number of words leaving your mouth -- or better still, shut up.

It is never right to hit anybody but I believe in many cases, we can stop a war of words from escalating into a war of fists. Because there is a small voice within us telling us we can talk back and emerge winners, we talk back even when our safety hangs in the balance.

I am not saying we shouldn’t air our views, we should. Only we shouldn’t air them at the expense of our safety. It doesn’t mean you should pummel your partner for daring to speak. I know some of you have to be the first to calm down during an argument to save the day. Arguments are normal in a relationship but physical fights aren’t.

Some people operate like time bombs! Most of these ‘quiet people’ are not ones to joke around with during an argument. Remember still waters run deep. People who just look at you and nod during arguments -- even when you have driven them to their limits -- are very dangerous. One day, when they reach their limit, they will vigorously react to something you did or said last month. They will attack you today for something you did three months ago. They behave like slow internet, loading forever but once ‘loaded’, you will see their true selves.

Personally, I am a loud mouth but I always know when to stop. I wouldn’t raise my voice to anyone who looks like he or she will explode within the next minute. Not that I will raise it to quiet ones. All I am saying is I always know when to stop.

Recently as I was having lunch with male friends, they couldn’t stop telling me how much women push them to unbearable levels. I stood firm and spoke for women; okay, fine, I know I am not your spokesperson but I had to. Some men equally drive their women to unbearable limits and if we are going to be told to back down when the kitchen becomes too hot, I suggest they do the same. It beats logic for a woman to back down yet the man keeps going on and on just because they are physically stronger.

Ever since I was hit ‘by mistake’ by a man, I swore to always be on the lookout. It happened when I innocently went to open the estate gate for a neighbour late at night back in Komayole, my hood. He had been kicking the gate while shouting his wife’s name. Since I wanted some sleep, I sacrificed my comfort to open the gate for him.

I did not want to spend a minute more at the gate, so with my eyes half shut, I dragged my feet to the gate, opened it and started walking back to my house without a word. The next thing I felt was a hard blow on my back. He later claimed he thought I was his wife and so he was hitting me for taking forever to open the gate. Let’s just say that since then, I always have my antennae high. If I detect any signs of violence, I take off. Learn to be on the lookout!