Why young men should marry single mothers

Dear 25 to 35-year olds,

I hope this finds you well. Allow me to make a special appeal this week: If you can, marry a single mother. We are in a parenthood crisis occasioned by men who fail to own up after putting a God-fearing woman in the family way and it takes real men to correct the mess.

At some point in a nation’s history, men are called upon to steer the country’s destiny towards prosperity and equality of all. Such an epochal moment is today. We are the special generation called upon to correct the sins of our fathers.

As you all know, men born in the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s were sell-outs and the onus is on us to rectify one of their biggest failures - safeguarding the sanctity of the institution of marriage and family. We will remember them as men who screwed  the economy and their families as well. Now, I write this letter to all real men to stand up and be counted. You probably have a sister or two, female cousin or several of them who are single mothers. Barring those who decidedly prefer single motherhood, I know most of them want to get married. But the society has relegated them to second-class citizens.

In marriage, we are recommending widowers, senior bachelors and other men, whom we deem less desirable. Why? Because most African societies, while greatly treasured nephews and a nieces, even those born out of wedlock, we rarely respected such women bearing children out of wedlock.

A woman with an ‘illegitimate’ child was scorned and looked at questionably. But times have changed. Modernity, shifting value systems and women empowerment, have somehow humanised single-motherhood, but few men have updated their attitude. Most men look at single mothers as loose, or else, they think, these women would not have been impregnated in the first place. Nothing can be further from the truth. I know many childless women who have aborted and slept around with reckless abandon. I also know of many single mothers who behave exceptionally well.

Today, I urge men of my generation to change their attitude towards single mothers. They are normal people, capable of loving and becoming responsible partners. A child need not be a bother. The idea that you cannot raise another man’s child is outdated.

Granted, there are a few political problems of disciplining such a child, especially a bratty son. But this is nothing two rational adults cannot handle. Single mothers are only protective of such children because the society has conditioned them to look at the children as a mistake. This should not be the case as everyone born to in this wide, wild world should be given a chance to live. Your role as a father to a child who is not yours biologically is just to be fair and finding it in your heart to love him or her.

Other than that, create a good environment for the child to grow and manage the kid’s temperament, and you would have done the job right; otherwise, you will give the world another man-hating feminist lesbian or some women-hating misogynist. We live in a world where serial monogamy might be a default marriage set up in days to come. Our generation finds it taxing sticking with the wrong person for reasons such as children or societal expectations.

Chances are your child will be raised by another man and you will end up raising another man’s child.

Hence, you need to keep your minds open. If you meet a good woman who happens to have a child, may the child not be the hindrance. The woman without a child you so much want might end up ruining your life more than the single mother. So, give single mothers a second, or even a third chance at marriage for a harmonious society of normal people.

@nyanchwani

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