What should I do? I think my mother is cheating on my dad.

I stumbled on something that has me confused and worried. I saw my mum kissing a man who dropped her home late at night. This shocked me and I decided to investigate to see if she is having an affair. I have been checking on her phone because I know all her passwords and I think she is actually having a relationship with him. They communicate frequently and although I am not sure, I interpreted one of those messages to mean that she is pregnant and she was asking him what to do about it. My dad is around and even though they sometimes have problems, he loves us very much and works hard to provide for us. Now I don't know what to do about this and need your advice on what to do here. I am 19 and the first born in our family. Please advise me.  {Lawrence*}

Your Take:

Infidelity is quite common in marriage, but informing your dad may inadvertently end their marriage. You know who will suffer in that circumstance. Engage your mother in a serious talk about this.

{Aseri Dick}

It can be very interesting to find that your dad is very much around yet your mum is busy involving herself in infidelity openly to an extent of being dropped home by men in the middle of the night. You may confront her about this and tell her that she is doing wrong. If you cannot face her, write a letter to warn her that you will reveal her promiscuous behavior to your dad and family members if she does not stop.

{Titus Murithi}

It is your responsibility to talk to her and tell her that this is wrong. Have you tried to imagine what would happen if she infected your father with HIV? If you cannot approach her then write an anonymous letter to her explaining everything. You have to act like a man and take responsibility for your father. It is better to confront them now than when they are already sick.

{Onyango Outha}

Regardless of what is going on, she still remains to be your mother. What has happened is wrong but you are not the right person to do anything about this. You should engage the efforts of someone who can handle this situation which could be an uncle or a close and mature aunt. You should not even think of telling your dad about this. If he is to ever find out, let this be through his own distinct way. Go slow on this brother and let nature takes its own course.

{Ouma Ragumo}

You need to carefully check the relationship between your parents and get more information about them. It is better to approach your mom and make your concern clear to her.

{Emerton Tirop}

Despite all that is going on, you should not meddle into your parents affairs because you are bound to ruffle feathers. You can also talk to her and tell her that you know everything and that what she is doing is not right since you are already an adult.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

You should talk to your mom. Tell her what you know and that she is going to ruin all your lives if she does not change what she is doing. Do not tell your dad about this as it would only start a big war. Ask her to think about the family and to do what is right. You have to confront her!

{Fred Jausenge} 

Counselor’s Take:

Lawrence, issues to do with your parents and their problems are generally out of bounds for you. However, this is a catch-22 situation where you are damned if you take an action and damned if you don’t take any action (note that not taking any action is still an action). You now find yourself smack centre of an issue that has potential to bring down any family.

In my thinking, you may have to talk to someone about this. With things as they stand, this can only be a relative whom your mother respects and probably much older than her. They don’t have to disclose how they got to know but she needs to know that someone close in the family knows what is going on. She may take it more objectively from a mature relative as opposed to if this thing came from you.

Once she is convinced that someone else knows about this, she may try and lure them into thinking that this issue will be sorted but she would need to give some form of assurance that it will truly end. The biggest problem with this situation is that you have too much information that could also be detrimental to you. You will always be in possession of one of your mother’s darkest secrets. Having such kind of information about your mother will always get you looking at her in a rather different light.

The ultimate solution to this issue is for your father to get to know about this and for him to make a decision on how to proceed. However, it is not in your place to tell him anything as this matter is strictly between the two of them. As their child, it is unfortunate that you got to know about this but at best let someone handle your mother and leave her to handle the rest. {Taurus}